themes: Art of Not Wanting

I couldn't sleep last night, tossing and turning every which way. Maybe it's because of not taking my medication until mid-day. Maybe it's the smoke in the air. Maybe it's the fact that there are a lot of things I need to get done that I haven't yet done.

· Read more…

2006

May

2006 May 23

when the evening falls

The problem with all this is that all good things must come to an end. At least for me. I feel like for normal, well adjusted souls, they are able to weather the changing tide. Me, I get sucked into the riptide, then spat up again onto the rocky, unforgiving beach.

· Read more…

2006 May 26

self-sufficient

I hope against all hope that I remember this simple fact the next time I am faced with extreme crisis.

· Read more…

2006 May 28

apologia for the art of not wanting

I understand I’s point about the Art of Not Wanting smacking of rationalization and sophistry, but I think there is some profound truthfullness to the Art. One, there is the fact that it is one of the central tenets of Buddhism—without desire, there is no suffering. Two, it also ungirds much of the philosophy of Taoism—desire can only lead to imbalance, but desire is unnecessary because all that you need has already been provided for. The Way is all you need. (I find it interesting that Jesus Christ sometimes refers to himself as the Way.)

· Read more…

June

2006 Jun 3

portents

What is the most likely explanation is that the only thing I've had to eat (at least since 11 a.m.) is practically pure unadulterated sugar. Never underestimate the fact that sugar is actually quite a potent psychotropic agent.

· Read more…

July

2006 Jul 24

diametrically opposed beliefs

I recall a quote from F Scott Fitzgerald: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” There is coda to this quote that is often ignored, but unfortunately I’m too lazy to look it up. I’m fairly certain that it has something to do with brain damage, though.

· Read more…

August

2006 Aug 2

cultivating stillness: the art of not wanting revisited

I stumbled upon this book entitled Cultivating Stillness in the Eastern Religions section of Borders and immediately felt peace descend upon me before I even opened it up. It is a Taoist text, but with a little more mysticism about it.

· Read more…

October

2006 Oct 29

feeling abandoned

I have spent the last 80 hours or so without speaking to another soul. (I am not counting buying stuff at the store, or communicating via computer.) I can’t help but wonder if anyone would miss me if I disappeared.

· Read more…

2007

September

2007 Sep 27

last thoughts of the day

My mind has been everywhere today. I suppose one of the good things about getting older is that there is a wider field for my brain to wander. I could probably keep myself usefully amused for several days just letting my thoughts meander.

· Read more…

December

2007 Dec 22

misunderstanding modern medicine

I have finally found a synonym for my embryonic philosophy tha I've been calling "The Art of Not Wanting." Akin to Hindu and Buddhist ideals (where desire brings about suffering),voluntary simplicity is a lifestyle that eschews the excesses of the modern and post-modern era. It has significant bearing on the contemporary environmentalist movement as well as with its intersection with Neomarxism.

· Read more…

2008

April

2008 Apr 25

how i hate the night (reprise)

Now the world has gone to bed,
Darkness won't engulf my head,
I can see by infrared,
How I hate the night.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
Try to count electric sheep,
Sweet dream wishes you can keep,
How I hate the night.

· Read more…

May

2008 May 6

get this right

I don't know. Maybe S. is right. Maybe the last 3 years 10 months have finally caught up to me.

· Read more…

2008 May 6

risk-benefit analysis

It all comes down to this: how much does this matter to me? If I can't survive without it, then I've got to reel in all my lines and just aim straight for the target. Do-or-die. No quarter given.

· Read more…

2008 May 16

small revelation

I have been concentrating very hard on the Art of Not Wanting, and despite all my effort, my brain is still wrapped around a lot of crazy and insane ideas that are completely out of my control. My stomach gurgles with the sound of reflux, and I get bouts of epigastric abdominal pain. I can't sleep very well. My eating habits have become even more unhealthy than before, which I didn't think was possible.

· Read more…

June

2008 Jun 16

i guess that's it

So it occurred to me that maybe that's my only purpose on this Earth, to ease the suffering of at least a small handful of people. Nothing fancy, nothing glorious. While sucky, loneliness is only one of the multitude of varieties of suffering available on this planet, and it is certainly nowhere near the worst. I guess. That's how I get myself through the day, at least.

· Read more…

September

2008 Sep 7

lacuna

The mornings are the worst,
when all of the sudden,
you are reminded of all that
failed to come true, of all that is not there
all that has never been, and all that will never be

· Read more…