May 2008
- May 2
- cause is not reason
It is easy to fall into the trap of believing that causation means intentionality. Lots of things happen where you can trace the chain of events, see exactly how one thing leads to another, and all of these things could be devoid of intention. While each decision may be made by a rational agent, the sum is not greater than its parts.
· Read more… - May 2
- all there is
lightning strikes
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end points and infinities
waves and foam
the clouds coruscating against the setting sunlight
a gull takes to wing
fluttering, fading beyond the horizon - May 2
- difficulties with obtaining a full physical exam
A man was seen by his doctor.
· Read more… - May 3
- epigastric abdominal pain
It could just be acid-reflux. I could just have a gastric ulcer.
· Read more… - May 4
- at the edge of the sea
there is no one left in the world
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that i can hold onto
there is really no one left at all
there is only you
and if you leave me now
you leave all that we were
undone
there is really no-one left
you are the only one
—"Trust" by the Cure - May 4
- all i need is a map and a set of wheels
Fear and panic in the air.
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I want to be free
from desolation and despair.
And I feel like everything I saw
is being swept away
when I refuse to let you go. - May 5
- killing me softly with her song
A little more than a week ago, I watched Lea Salonga perform at Harrah's Rincon.
· Read more… - May 6
- get this right
I don't know. Maybe S. is right. Maybe the last 3 years 10 months have finally caught up to me.
· Read more… - May 6
- color me frustrated
I first found this test (or a variation of it) back in 2002 while I was in the throes of studying for Step 1 of the USMLE and dealing with the fact that E didn't like me in That Way™. I'm not sure if this test is even vaguely validated by any sort of study, but it's entertaining nonetheless. I can already tell that it's highly susceptible to the Forer effect, but whatever. You can find meaning wherever you want to. That's what the human brain does, after all.
· Read more… - May 6
- risk-benefit analysis
It all comes down to this: how much does this matter to me? If I can't survive without it, then I've got to reel in all my lines and just aim straight for the target. Do-or-die. No quarter given.
· Read more… - May 7
- bizarre stimuli
How did this all begin? That's probably too much to figure out in one night, particularly one where I'm at work. I'll just pick at a single thread in the tapestry. Eventually it'll all unravel.
· Read more… - May 8
- hypothesis about population genetics
OK, well, I haven't really done integrative biology in a long time, so I'm probably grossly misusing terminology.
· Read more… - May 9
- 3 am eternal
I really should sleep, but the sensation of burning acid in my gullet makes me wary about lying down supine again. I suppose an extra pillow should suffice, but I'd have to dig through the disaster that is my bedroom.
· Read more… - May 9
- on the other side of the burn
I tend to pinpoint my inability to trust people on a single catastrophic event (the dissolution of a relationship), but now that I think hard about it, I wonder if I've always been distrusting. Some would say perhaps paranoid.
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- May 11
- the intersection of pop music and medicine
There are two units in the hospital that tend to get a particular song stuck in my head.
· Read more… - May 11
- layers not versions
Josh Catone writes against the existence of Web 3.0, arguing that the version numbers don't really depict any specific discontinuities the way that real major version changes would.
· Read more… - May 12
- nothing too terrible/still irritating
The Lakers fought a pitched battle against the Jazz, despite their captain and MVP being injured early in the game. Twice they closed a ≥10 pt gap, only to fall behind again due to some bad breaks and insanely lucky shots on the part of the Jazz, and the fact that Kobe's game was totally whack because of that back injury. I think it would've been less disappointing if they had gotten blown out instead. Then I would've just turned it off in the second quarter
· Read more… - May 12
- pacific coast highway
So I just got back to S.D. from Harbor City, where my uncle and my godmother live. The quickest way back would involve backtracking to the 405, and then heading south directly to the 5, or via the 73 toll road:
· Read more… - May 12
- wrong city/wrong season/wrong weather/no matter
This is from Brooklyn…
· Read more… - May 12
- reminiscing/high school days
Whenever I hear this song, I can still feel those cold autumn early mornings after pulling an all-nighter, writing an English paper or a History paper, fully saturated with caffeine (a total of 230 mg would usually tide me over), with no one but Sluggo on KROQ to keep me company.
· Read more… - May 13
- easier said than done/15 years/too little, too late
I seem to be stuck in a time warp.
· Read more… - May 13
- brain on fire
OK, so maybe it was a little counter-productive to only sleep for four hours last night. I felt compelled to finish my blog entry, even though the ending of it was probably too rushed, and a little forced. So it wasn't until 2 a.m. that I finally surrendered and went to bed. Unfortunately, I had to wake up at 6 a.m. today. (It's going to be even worse tomorrow.)
· Read more… - May 13
- time/chance
15 years: 5,480 sunsets
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the days spin by, the hours whirl
blurring into infinity
and I can't remember where I've been
nor all the answers that I figured out
falling out of my hands
scattered wildly like spilled grain
as I was, so I will be
upon this path to nowhere
to anywhere - May 15
- infectious diseases and other medical conditions as a source of band names
While I was writing a consult note today, I was highly amused by the word "mucormycosis." There is something lyrical about it's dactyl-trochee stress pattern. "Myxomatosis" (which features most prominently as a Radiohead track from Hail to the Thief) is also a dactyl-trochee combo.
· Read more… - May 16
- small revelation
I have been concentrating very hard on the Art of Not Wanting, and despite all my effort, my brain is still wrapped around a lot of crazy and insane ideas that are completely out of my control. My stomach gurgles with the sound of reflux, and I get bouts of epigastric abdominal pain. I can't sleep very well. My eating habits have become even more unhealthy than before, which I didn't think was possible.
· Read more… - May 16
- choose life/too long for a twitter blast
Even if you believe in the afterlife, that's no excuse to fuck things up in this life. Telling people that it'll be OK when we get to heaven is a cop-out. If you really cared, you'd make things better now
· Read more… - May 18
- amanda chapel is a racist!/my 1st racial incident on the web
OK, this is what I get for feeding a well known, long-lived internet troll.
· Read more… - May 18
- bullshit diversity/code triage/first against the wall
Wow. Just, wow.
· Read more… - May 18
- random thoughts on ip
I have, curiously enough, been thinking about IP for quite a long time. It all started when I had my 8-bit Commodore 64 running at 1 MHz (that's right 1 megahertz. More than 1,000 times slower than the slowest computer you can buy new today.)
· Read more… - May 19
- memetic transposon/yay area in da house ftw
The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs: How the Valley put Obama over the top, via hellofriend, via cajunboy, via caro, via claudia, via britticisms, via soupsoup, via seriouslythough, via poortaste, via ayÅŸe.
· Read more… - May 19
- crazy pills/we'll run out of roads before we run out of internet
I'm not even gonna mention a certain fucktard's pseudonym, because you all know who I'm talking about. It irks me that people take sock-puppets seriously. But what are you gonna do. Some people just enjoy being lied to.
· Read more… - May 20
- the public is unmerciful/origin of the health care crisis
I learned about the sordid history of health care and health insurance while writing a paper in college for a two unit class that was pass/not-pass (and therefore useless to my GPA.) It forever opened my eyes to the lunacy that we loosely term health care in America.
· Read more… - May 20
- bad patient registry
The idea of being able to review your primary care physician and leave a comment online is a little unnerving for me. I know for a fact that not everyone can like me, and many patients will just be put off by my approach no matter what I do. But you gotta be true to yourself, and you can't please everyone all the time.
· Read more… - May 20
- trust
Throwbacks stuck in the '80s seem to have a hard time accepting the Brave New World™ we find ourselves in. I'm not preaching some magical transformation of human nature. It's just that the game has changed. There's a transition under way, and we are slowly weaning ourselves from the past.
· Read more… - May 21
- why end-stage liver disease patients should not take viagra
Found on my iGoogle page, with elaborations:
· Read more… - May 21
- trust revisited
Having a brief conversation with @anodyne2art on Twitter with regards to my post about trust, and while it's true, the buzzwords are authenticity and honesty, I think these are only tangentially related. Trust probably has more to do with transparency, but it's not quite that either.
· Read more… - May 25
- chart abbreviation or not?
- May 25
- institutionalized racism in the 21st century
Disturbing blog post about how white blue-collar workers supposedly won't vote for Obama if HRC doesn't get the nomination.
· Read more… - May 25
- web 2.0 and disintermediation
Now, Amanda Chapel's agenda is pretty transparent. She (or, more precisely, the anonymous people that created her) is trying to keep her job relevant.
· Read more… - May 26
- twined
chewing on the frayed ends of old, worn threads
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of choice, of chance, of fate, of hope, of dreams
wondering where my free-will ends, this cup
passing, where destiny begins, takes shape
takes form, did it not matter, or do these
things still shift, still split, still slip, twist, and bend
this far out, this late in the game, now in
overtime, with seconds to go, and still… - May 27
- this way lies madness
Cassandra whispers to me of disaster and catastrophe:
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"Harden your heart, o wanderer
the road is long, the horizon far
no surcease of sorrow shall come to succor thee,
no hope of rescue, of salvation, of love
through the grey desert thou shalt tread
alone, forsaken, unlooked for, unwanted, unmissed." - May 29
- jacta alea est
the die is cast, the cards laid down on the table
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the flop, the turn, the river, but it's the pocket that matters
and you don't know what she's got
you're crossing your fingers and holding your breath
trying your damnedest not to give away a tell