15 years: 5,480 sunsets
the days spin by, the hours whirl
blurring into infinity
and I can’t remember where I’ve been
nor all the answers that I figured out
falling out of my hands
scattered wildly like spilled grain
as I was, so I will be
upon this path to nowhere
to anywhere

my heart stands still for a single moment
and I think of her golden tresses
and her radiant smile
around her, there is always sunlight
and for that moment
I am at peace

still the gap yawns
all distances stretch to infinity
half again, then half again of that
as close as I can get still the current sweeps me away the closer I get, the more keen the sharpness of the pain
and the storm rages again in my soul
the violence, the cacophony
overwhelming all reason
into this storm I wander
this madness that I have known

don’t know which way is up or down
water above me
water below me
and there is barely any air to breathe
crashing waves, bursting foam
the raindrops splatter against the tormented sea
my sail runs ragged
rent and sheared

I have come this way before
too many times
and the sunsets pile upon each other
compressing, condensing
gravity crushing all these memories
into an impenetrable singularity
even light cannot escape

I am lost down this familiar road
bewildered and confused
dazed and helpless
as a newborn expelled into the cold, cruel world
squeezed and strangled
smashed, battered, flailing, bawling

it’s never enough
summer, then fall
the Devil’s breath
flames bursting
ash raining from the sky
come fall, then come winter
as the shadows lengthen
and the night reigns
then winter, and spring
and hope thaws from that winter twilight
joy unlooked for
happiness come suddenly

we spin the ever-turning-wheel
again I pass this road
cross this valley
climb this hill
still no closer to the stars
though I grasp and reach in vain

it is, I think, at the last
no matter how I rationalize and dither
my doom to die unfulfilled
cold and alone
unlooked for, not missed
as the days lengthen
and the leaves fall
they will forget what I look like
wonder about that empty space for a spare moment
and shrug

that final winter
with no ensuing spring
that ultimate night
without the promise of dawn

that last silence, without words to follow

alone, alone, the raging sea
my soul drinks deeply
of rain water, and the morning dew
still I thirst
knowing my longing shall never be quenched