(Tangent: Rule number one of fantasy novels: never read the prologues. They are all completely pointless. Even the one for_The Lord of the Rings_. I know too many people who failed to even start LotR because they couldn't get through the Prologue. But this parenthetical aside as just as pointless.)

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Feb 7

The Last Days of the Republic

Et tu, Brute? Et tu?

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Feb 8

Requiem

For the men and women who risked their lives in pursuit of a pure dream.

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Feb 9

Falling

I don’t want to hope for impossible things, and yet I can’t ignore it either.

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Feb 9

Vast Uncharted Expanse

Down the road that I dared not go.

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Feb 12

Happy Birthday, Abe

And then another holiday two days from now. Am I doomed? Am I just going to let another one slip away? Or am I just having another delusionary, solipsistic moment?

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Feb 14

Disorientation

Hmmm. Pure parietal lobe? Or frontal lobe causing severe depression? This is the problem of being a medical student.

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Feb 15

The Art of Not Wanting: The Saga Continues

Fuck this shit.

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Feb 16

Remixed Suburbs

I don't really remember when I dreamt this, but I will write it down now before I forget it.

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Feb 16

The Revolution Will Be Blogged

The People have made their Will known.

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Feb 17

Paranoid Android

I want to say more, but I don’t know who is reading this. Damn it.

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Feb 18

Vague Description

I am trying to understand the Way.

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Feb 18

Insomnia

I can’t get to sleep/I think about the implications/of diving in too deep/and possibly the complications//Especially at night/I worry over situations/I know I’ll be all right/Perhaps it’s just imagination.

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Feb 19

The Edge

More than anything else, this is what I’ll never feel again.

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Feb 25

Why Gandalf Chose Not to Remove Saddam Hussein

If you’re going to parody something, either use the source material in a completely bizarre and unrelated way, or try to stay true to the source so that all the allusions are consistent

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Feb 28

Whither George Jetson?

Not exactly what I pictured when I was a little kid, but the future is a pretty interesting place.

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Mar

Mar 4

Snow

Navel gazing as the storm broods outside my doorstep.

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Mar 5

There Is No Hope

It is all meaningless distraction. Samsara. It is the state of nothingness that I seek.

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Mar 7

¡Ay Caramba!

I guess one of my favorite hobbies is feeling sorry for myself. Gah.

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Mar 8

Yikes!

The last days of the Republic. Bread and circuses. Instead of gladiators going at it, we have common folk humiliating each other and selling each other out.

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Mar 9

The Arcane Art of Comments

ay caramba (i have been watching "the simpsons" way too much), for some reason blogger doesn't like me. it keeps eating my posts. oh well.

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Mar 12

The Universe Is a Big Doughnut

Delirium AKA acute confusional state. (I wonder how Dream’s little sister feels about her new name? Read “Sandman” by Neil Gaiman to figure what the hell I’m talking about.)

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Mar 14

comments on "The Universe Is a Big Doughnut"

Comment on The Universe Is a Big Doughnut • 2003 Mar 12 • Congestive Soul Failure

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Mar 15

Anonymity and the Wonderfully Bizarre Age of Information

How to keep blog personae anonymous. Still looking for solutions.

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Mar 16

I Will Never Understand

It is impossible to change someone if they don’t want to change. How tragic.

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Mar 16

Assessment: Acute Confusional State - Resolved

You just told me he was the most horrible person you know. You’re getting back together with him. Makes perfect sense to me.

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Mar 16

who is the evil resident?

be afraid. be very afraid.

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Mar 16

Bounceback

Just when you thought it was over.

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Mar 19

The Ministry of Peace

George Orwell would recognize this situation in an instant.

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Mar 19

How to Deal with Evil (Intern Rule

Sorry. No current treatment available. Everything I say is only palliative.

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Mar 20

Shock and Awe

This sequel sucks.

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Mar 22

Minutiae

No business as usual, but life still needs to be lived, I suppose.

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Mar 22

A Memory of the First Episode

My memories seem to be indexed by pop songs.

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Mar 23

Counting on One Hand

The number of single friends I have continues to diminish.

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Mar 26

Burning Out

Sometimes you just gotta curl up into a little ball and cry yourself to sleep. Then it’s easier to pull yourself together the next.

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Mar 27

Short Takes: Music, Decisions

A couple of brain burps.

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Mar 30

The Catcher in the Rye

I need to figure out why I want to do Pediatrics.

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Mar 30

Sunday Afternoon

Reflection. Oh my. My brain is not working.

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Mar 30

Why Can't My Life Be Simple (Chronic Blogorrhea)

I am so damned tired. I need a vacation. But time waits for no one.

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Apr

Apr 10

Pinnacle

When you’re at the top, where else can you go? (I’m not a religious man, but if you can hear me… save me Superman!)

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Apr 10

Succumbing to Evil

He who fights monsters should be careful lest he thereby becomes a monster. And if thou gaze long into the abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee — Nietzsche

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Apr 12

Instant Messaging Fun

Random madness between two strange individuals.

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Apr 12

Signs and Symptoms

More brain barf. Yes I know I promised to stop thinking. Especially about women. Especially about what they’re thinking.

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Apr 19

George Mallory Syndrome

Some reasons are better than others.

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Apr 19

Good Friday (Delayed Reaction)

Crucifixion on my mind.

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Apr 20

More Apophenia

“The Ring,” “Ringu,” Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk, Pattern Recognition by William Gibson, and all sorts of random trivia emanating from my obviously cracked brain

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Apr 21

Better Luck Tomorrow

Mental flatus regarding the acclaimed movie by Asian American director Justin Lin.

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Apr 27

Excess Baggage

I really am a godforsaken packrat.

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May

May 3

The Unstuck Piece of Tape (Lysis of Adhesions)

The more things change…

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May 4

The Spell Is Broken

The end of another chapter. Time continues to fly.

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May 7

I'm Not the One Who's Crazy!

Schizophrenia. Maybe I do need to be on medication.

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May 10

Mantra

Fear not of men because men must die.

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May 13

The Promise of New Beginnings

It isn't until now that I appreciate the deceptive nature of the month of May. I suppose that, ever since I was a child, May has always meant endings, but also, the promise of new beginnings. The final full month of school, with glimpses of summer ahead. But I've grown to learn that, more often than not, such promises [don't] come to fruition.

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May 13

False Promise

May has always been fraught with false promise
dreams of love
fire, hope
endings
Conceived in the cradle of springs
Grown gravid then stillborn come cold winter
And STILL I wish.

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May 16

The Matrix Reloaded — Unreal City (SPOILERS!)

The Prophecy shall be fulfilled. Every city is a manifestation of Unreal City—Babylon, Rome, London, New York, Chicago, L.A., everywhere and nowhere.

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May 17

Curiouser and Curiouser

I am Alice in fucking Wonderland right now. It’s only a matter of time until the shit hits the fan and the Jabberwock comes chomping on my ass.

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May 18

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

See the luck I’ve had would make a good man turn bad.

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May 18

Fidgety

I know what is going to happen, but I guarantee I’m still going to feel like crap.

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May 19

These Dreams

As real as it seems, it was only in my dreams. (Help me, help me! I’m trapped in the 1980’s!)

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May 19

I'll Send an S.O.S. to the World

I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle.

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May 20

Game Over

And yet: Insert Coin to Continue. Damn.

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May 22

Time Marches On

Taking my head out of my ass at least to catch a breath.

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May 22

My Life Is Whack

That’s right, folks. Tear your hair out along with me.

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May 24

premature death

I dreamt this a month or two ago, but it has popped into my mind again. In my dream, my widow (and, yes, it is a particular woman I am friends with whom I will leave nameless, although trust me it isn't who you think, whomever you are thinking of)—she is with my son in some park. (Childhood memories make me want to think that it is Griffith Park. Or maybe the La Brea Tar Pits.) It's kind of a haunting idea. Imagine, if I actually eventually fell in love and got married and had a kid, only to die at an early age. Well. My mom always teased me that because I have small ears, that I would have a short life. And I have already had a very cinematic dream of my death scene (which I might narrate in this space sometime if I haven't already.) Not that I believe in prophecies or anything. Trust me. My foresight has always missed the marked.

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May 24

Movie Night

In tribute to Virginia Madsen.

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May 26

If Seurat Had Written A Blog

A rather heavy-handed analogy. Impressions of an evening wobbling out of control.

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May 26

Yesterday

I can’t stay/And keep living this lie/I finally found the strength to say goodbye/I’m on my way/Nothing can change my mind/I’m leaving behind what we had/Yesterday

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May 26

Signs of an Intractable Situation

It’s all so simple, and yet….

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May 31

The Road Goes Ever On and On — Revisited

Ah, to return from exile. Does nothing ever last? At least longer than an effervescent moment?

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Jun

Jun 1

Trail of Crumbs

None of this really matters, all happiness is effervescent. But some day I fear a player will be born.

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Jun 2

Confounding Factors (with a Quick Primer on Psychoses)

The fine difference between an illusion and a hallucination. I need to get this shit out of my head, and I’m not talking about those damned voices.

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Jun 4

Responding to Internal Stimuli

Seriously. The next time something like this happens, I need you to take a brick to my head. I mean it.

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Jun 5

Voices in My Head

Bits and pieces of me keep passing out. Random quotes and song lyrics that happen to be very appropriate commentary on my life. And, once again, I need to take a break, but, once again, I am probably not going to.

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Jun 6

Keeping Score

A good day after all.

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Jun 7

Always Have a Plan (Simple Pleasures)

I need to reverse this paralysis, need to shake off this fear of the future.

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Jun 9

Word Salad (This Bird Has Flown)

Little snippets of things that make little to no sense.

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Jun 9

Whiplash (Do You Hear That Rubberband Snap?)

I, sir, am officially a sucker. P.T. Barnum would’ve loved me.

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Jun 11

Jumping to Conclusions

Just don’t do it. To assume makes an ass out of u and me. (Yes I know that what I’ve written is incoherent and driveling. So be it.)

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Jun 12

Despite It All, There Is Still Hope

Sure, I’m not dying, I just can’t think of anything better to do.

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Jun 12

Kilroy Was Here

This is pretty much about nothing.

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Jun 17

Outbound on the Edens

Obvious rantings of a lunatic. All I’m learning is how to be crazy.

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Jun 18

OK, Maybe I Am Crazy

Yeah, it’s solipsistic and egotistical to ask, but “Why does this shit always happen to me?”

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Jun 19

This is the Way the World Ends

Happiness continues to elude our hapless hero. Perhaps all I can really hope for is “Shantih, shantih, shantih.”

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Jun 21

Forfeit

There is just nothing left to say.

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Jun 22

Let's Pretend It Never Happened

Like they say, there’s no problem so big that you can’t run away from it.

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Jun 22

Do the Right Thing

A rationalization.

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Jun 22

Question

The sequela of a random phone call.

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Jun 24

Back to the Open Sea

Sailing / Takes me away / To where I’ve always heard it could be / Just a dream and the wind to carry me / And soon I will be free

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Jun 24

Just Pretending

Give me one more chance to make it real. (Heh. This entry isn’t what you think it is.)

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Jun 26

Tangents (and Still Barely Even Touching Upon It)

This is crazy. This is crazy.

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Jun 28

Summertime

Mind burp. Enough!

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Jun 29

Where Art Thou, My Muse?

Longing desperately for some inspiration

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Jun 30

On the Verge of Insanity

Ah. It feels so good to vent.

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Jun 30

Desperation in Outline Form

Confession. Half-serious.

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Jul

Jul 1

Via Trails

You can’t really call it stalking can you? It’s not like I’m breaking into their computers or anything….

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Jul 1

The Sound of Inevitability

I am a machine(?)

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Jul 3

The Lonely Silence of Night

As I lay me down to sleep. A brief summary of the days gone by.

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Jul 3

Fatal Exception Error (Shut It Down! Shut It Down!)

At some point I may require some Haldol.

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Jul 4

Despite It All

What if surviving really is as good as it gets?

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Jul 4

The Deep End (Year 227 of the Republic)

And not even anything to dream about.

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Jul 5

Sail On, Sail On

My dog won’t let me go to sleep.

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Jul 5

To Live and Die in Chicago

A safe landing. It’s not as bad to be here as I thought.

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Jul 7

Scraping By

Things aren’t so bad once you get used to them.

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Jul 7

Stupidity (Letting Her Sink Her Claws Into Me)

A shot in the dark. A phone call. Not that the rug was necessarily pulled out from under, but either way, I’m lying on bare ground.

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Jul 8

Rivalling Vogon Poetry

Keep the violins going, damn it.

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Jul 9

The Art of Self-Medication

OK, OK, I promise I’ll stop feeling sorry for myself. Or at least I’ll try and cut down.

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Jul 11

Jesus, What A Mind Job

Why do I feel like I am once again, in the calm before the storm? I suppose I could be paranoid.

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Jul 13

Full Moon Tonight

Contemplation in the darkness. I can’t get to sleep.

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Jul 14

The Art of Self-Medication - Reprise

Another confession: I have serious problems. But some of you already knew that. Why I don’t tell people who are close to me, and yet I’m OK with telling the entire Internet, who knows?

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Jul 14

Walt Disney Can Kiss My Ass

I can’t seem to write myself out of a paper bag.

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Jul 15

Flight of Ideas (Episode II): I Am Running Out of Titles

I really, really need to start writing things down. I had some pretty deep and interesting thoughts this afternoon, but now they are all gone. Oh, but there is a little teaser about learned helplessness.

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Jul 16

Inanity (Circumferential Thoughts)

Narrating today. Striving for enlightenment.

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Jul 17

You Gotta Know When to Hold 'Em, Know When to Fold 'Em

Unfortunately, you have to play them how they were dealt.

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Jul 20

Getting A Grip

One handhold at a time. This is definitely nowhere near perfect, but it’s better than wanting to kill yourself all the time. Oh. And I gave in to my inner demons and bought a digital camera.

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Jul 21

Promiscuous Wandering

well. until i figure out how to post things remotely at my hand-crafted blog, this will have to do. this is where i shall post random snippets from my promiscuous wanderings amongst strange computer terminals in this brave new world.

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Jul 21

Nothing Teaches Like the Hand in the Fire

i have walked into my school and discovered that today is the first day of orientation for the m1s. for some inarticulable reason, i cringe. oh well. live and learn. nothing teaches like the hand in the fire.

Jul 21

The Harsh Truth

The root of all my misery.

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Jul 22

Coasting to a Stop

Instead of slamming the brakes into the ground. Nothing like the power of inertia.

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Jul 22

I am an Angry Drunk

Help me! I broke apart my insides….

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Jul 24

Damn It All to Hell

And even though I’ve raised the white flag and cried uncle, I am still getting beaten down.

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Jul 25

At the Bottom of the 1st Inning, the Score Is…

I’ll be OK. Really. Come hell or high water.

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Jul 25

Lots of Major Arcana in Today's Reading

lots of major arcana in today's reading:

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Jul 29

Condolences

A moment.

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Jul 30

Sit Down and Be Still

Really, the problem is that there is too much on my mind right now. (I've mentioned before how thinking too much is going to get me into serious trouble and perhaps might even kill me.) I mean, yeah, sure there is the fact that I have to figure out the trajectory of my life in 3 months, give or take. And then there are all sorts of other situations that, admittedly, I probably shouldn't be thinking about, but because I don't want to deal with the issue at hand, I let them fill my mind.

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Aug

Aug 4

Dream Big Dreams

It’s sad some of the things that life can beat out of you.

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Aug 5

contradictions

On the other hand, there is the fact that all suffering comes from desire. But I think that I've been reading that all wrong. When it comes down to it, I don't think that the goal is to stop wanting. I mean, think about it, if you stop wanting because you want to stop suffering, you are still wanting something. To not desire is either to be dead or schizophrenic, and I doubt that schizophrenia is what the Buddha had in mind when he was talking about enlightenment.

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Aug 6

Science Fiction

To infinity and beyond!

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Aug 6

Why I Don't Trust Anybody

Might as well write this down while it's in my head. I'm currently just listening to a bunch of mp3s sitting on my hard drive as I prune my library after a psync mishap, but that scarcely matters.

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Aug 14

first post!

Abandoning my kludgy homebrew blogging system and adopting Blosxom

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Aug 14

second post!

Not particularly edifying

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Aug 15

marmosets

A very strange dream

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Aug 16

my adventures with apache

Enabling virtual hosts on Jaguar (10.2)

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Aug 16

keychain – always allow

Annoying dialog boxes

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Aug 16

and then the morning comes

Talking about religion while inebriated. A loaded comparison between Roman Catholicism and Buddhism. The dangers of drunk-dialing.

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Aug 16

sbc ameritech dns servers

In case you need them, although I imagine it would be difficult to navigate the Internet in the first place without setting your DNS server.

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Aug 16

how to add writebacks

Allowing comments on Blosxom 2. (Likely seriously outdated - ed. note 2008.01.02)

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Aug 17

an exercise in the commoditization of culture

If you have a tatoo that consists of Chinese characters, or of kanji/kana, you should at least know what it says. Nothing says “tool” like having a tatoo you can’t read. And white people better start learning to tell Asians apart. Because there better not be another internment if Kim Jong-Il goes a little nuts.

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Aug 17

notes on remotedotcomments

Making Blogger and remotedotcomments play nice. The dangers of not quoting properly.

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Aug 17

dhtml lemmings

Reminiscing about playing Versus Lemmings on the Commodore Amiga. Now it’s just a Java applet you can run in your browser.

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Aug 17

pervasive advertising

Philip K Dick predicts the future once again. The first application of pervasive computing is going to be—you guessed it—advertising

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Aug 17

a definition of existentialism

The Camusian variant. Maybe not the most optimistic guy in the world.

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Aug 18

blog wars

Flame wars move from Usenet to the blogosphere

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Aug 18

divine intervention

Procrastination is like masturbation. It’s a lot of fun until you realize you’re only screwing yourself. Someone needs to save me from myself. Seriously.

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Aug 21

something good is gonna happen

Finding mp3 blogs. Kate Bush “Cloudbusting”. Utah Saints “Something Good is Gonna Happen”

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Aug 21

airport (802.11b/g)

Discovering the beginnings of pervasive/ubiquitous computing, and the wi-fi revolution.

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Aug 22

kid a by radiohead

My interpretation of this awesome song.

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Aug 22

splattered

Blood, sterile technique, and mortality.

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Aug 22

dream academy "life in a northern town"

These days, I’ll catch some of the lyrics of a song, and I’ll just type them into Google, and voilà! This is the song that was sampled for Dario G’s “Sunchyme”

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Aug 22

quotes from "the simpsons"

Homer Simpson is my hero.

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Aug 22

more quotes from "the simpsons"

Moe Szyslak has a way with words.

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Aug 23

embedded markup considered harmful

Back in the day when the specs were new, RSS was atrocious, and no one could parse it. One of the things that caused aggregators to choke was embedded markup. Although in all honesty, I never did understand what the problem was.

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Aug 23

the gender genie

A little script that supposedly is able to tell the gender of the author of a scrap of text.

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Aug 23

to all the girls i've loved before

OK, I admit it. I’m a Julio Iglesias fan. Somehow, a few of his songs have gotten attached to some of my recurring dreams. And somehow Unreal City—this bizarre amalgam of L.A., Chicago, and NYC—keeps popping up in my dreams, too.

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Aug 24

pool and blackjack

A dream about chance, wagers, and Charles Bronson.

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Aug 24

interpolate_pseudoxml

A plugin for Blosxom that makes it just a tad easier to use an XML editor to work on your templates.

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Aug 24

interpolate_pseudoxml revisited

I take back what I said about my interpolate plugin. Or rather, let me qualify what I said.

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Aug 24

unordered lists and css

Styling unordered lists

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Aug 24

bits and pieces

Fixing the archive plugin for Blosxom. The right way to nest lists.

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Aug 24

windows is insecure

The sobig.f debacle. I can’t believe people actually trust their data with Windows.

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Aug 25

case of the x

Isn't it amazing the different things that the letter "x" can stand for in medicine? Especially for all you 3rd years, here is an incomplete list of the various abbreviations ending in "x" that you may very well encounter while trying to decipher a resident's completely illegible progress note.

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Aug 25

radiohead "the bends"

Reviewing one of the best, and most underrated albums by Radiohead

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Aug 26

wifi everywhere

Pervasive/ubiquitous computing on the way

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Aug 26

http_get

plugin to arbitrarily pull any content from the Internet. Likely to cause time outs and heavy load on your shared host.

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Aug 26

med school fear of blood desensitize

This Google query leads to an old blog entry. Despite dealing with bleeding literally almost every single day, I’m still not immune from syncopizing from a vasovagal reaction at the sight of my own blood.

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Aug 26

www.bogusmove.com

Via trails.

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Aug 26

duderesearch.com

More via trails.

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Aug 26

trainedmonkey.com

And more via trails.

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Aug 27

even more simpson quotes

Choice quotes from ~~Arnold Schwarzenegger~~Rainier Wolfcastle and Ned Flanders

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Aug 27

running amok

I've been meaning to riff of off this blog entry about suicide. Maybe the timing is bad, considering that some guy just shot up six of his coworkers before offing himself [Chicago Tribune article][ABC News], but, as Michael Moore documents in "Bowling for Columbine", this sort of thing shouldn't be surprising.

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Aug 27

time

Y2K was a bust, but maybe Y2K+38 will be something quite unexpected. No one seems to be in a rush to adopt 64-bit time stamps.

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Aug 27

Nuked Again

yikes. i've nuked my main blog site. now the question is, do i wait until the sysadmin re-enables my permissions, or do i just revert to my own homegrown system for blogging?

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Aug 28

memes and the arrow of time

A meditation on the not-quite cyclic nature of time, and how both the linear and circular models of time may be correct simultaneously. Soundtrack: “Clocks” by Coldplay and “Time after Time” by Cyndi Lauper

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Aug 30

gun shy

I was robbed! Seriously!

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Aug 30

more bits and pieces

Links to things that might be helpful in setting up a website.

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Aug 30

A Really Good, Successful Night if not for Getting Robbed at Gun Point

i've grown rather fond of Blosxom, although i do still fantasize about using xsl stylesheets. (i don't know why. maybe because i've been myself how to write xsl for 2½ years now.) but now, my blogs are locked down because of excessive hammering (thank you, Radio Community Server.) And i wonder if there are sysadmins at my web host this long weekend who will answer my plaintive cries.

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Aug 31

temporarily back in business

Continuing to have problems with Blosxom and mod_rewrite.

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Aug 31

crazedmonkey.com

Via trail. How to make Blosxom serve static pages sometimes and dynamic pages other times.

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Aug 31

pathetique

Man, it sucks to be alone when you’re trying to stave off PTSD.

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Aug 31

cgi working

Blosxom seems to be working now. I think.

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Aug 31

counting crows "rain king"

A song from back in the day. But the album it’s coming from is fitting: August and Everything After.

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Aug 31

futurama quote

A quote from Bender the Bending Robot

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Aug 31

nelson.monkey.org

How to keep Blosxom from getting hammered.

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Sep

the gender genie A little script that supposedly is able to tell the gender of the author of a scrap of text.

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Sep 1

end stage soul disease

Playing with categories in Blosxom.

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Sep 1

movie watch

“Gigli”, “Excess Baggage”.

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Sep 1

targetted advertising

Now, I don't know if this is really targeted advertising, but the ads on amazon.com do tend to shadow whatever it is I have purchased or I have searched for, for example Basic Flight Physiology, given my recent obsession with space medicine.

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Sep 2

brain excrement

Random thoughts. Thinking of sci-fi, and not movies or music.

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Sep 3

a7 "piece of heaven (central seven remix)"

This song makes me think of Robotech.

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Sep 3

sick in the head

Moments of triumph only remind me of how lonely I am. Great.

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Sep 4

google is god reprised

Google is omnipresent, and rapidly becoming omniscient. And nothing will be the same.

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Sep 4

september

September and the end of summer. Taking a moment to look ahead.

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Sep 5

processing

Is the relationship between Processing and Java the exact relationship between Logo and Lisp?

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Sep 6

for fuck's sake by robert lasner

A book about pursuing women. My life is exactly like this book, except I don’t have any of the sex.

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Sep 6

stackable iPods

We should be able to daisy chain iPods and create a RAID array. Or at least have Logical Volume Management.

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Sep 7

elliptical comments on mass amateurisation

We’ve got cheap hardware and free software. All we need is wi-fi everywhere, and we’re on our way to ubiquitous computing. Microsoft is missing the boat. Apple is the wave of the future. Democracy is all about “Worse is Better,” and not “The Right Thing™”.

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Sep 7

the man in the high castle

What if the Axis won?

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Sep 7

lists and positioning

Neat things you can do with unordered lists and CSS.

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Sep 7

mp3s and spam

Wanted: mp3s. Not wanted: spam.

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Sep 7

star raiders

Reminiscing about an Atari 400 game.

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Sep 9

retrograde consolidation

A follow-up to my elliptical comments on mass amateurisation(sic). The original browser wars had the indirect effect of pushing back the envelope. While we have rich media such as Flash, what most of us end up publishing is essentially plain text. (OK, it’s technically HTML, and it’s usually Unicode and not ASCII, but you get the picture.) But plain text will always win in terms of portability and in terms of compactness. Which makes me think of other technology that has gone backwards a bit: MIDI ringtones, NASA’s renewed interest in Apollo space capsules.

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Sep 9

more about retrograde consolidation

On the other hand, plain text is more expensive to process than, let’s say, binary code. But thanks to Moore’s Law, it ain’t a problem. My phone is over 100x more powerful than the first computer I ever owned. In this day, interpreted languages (more fashionably known as dynamically typed languages) are back in the fore. Thanks to advances in bandwidth, in particular, wireless bandwidth, non-lossy audio compression is becoming a reasonable format to download songs in. But the reliance on plain text has the additional side effect of increased openness: it’s much easier to reverse engineer a plain text spec than it is to try to disassemble opcodes.

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Sep 9

the tower of babble

The Babelfish Game: take a phrase in English, convert it through multiple languages, then change it back to English, and see what you get. (See the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy for the original reference to the mythological Babelfish.) Natural selection in action? A demonstration on how false vacuum can decay into true vacuum?

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Sep 12

blessings in disguise

So-called intellectual property is no hindrance to the Internet. It’s very Taoist in a way. Whatever does not yield to the Internet, the Internet merely routes around. Hence, instead of a myriad of proprietary rich media technologies, we’ve got open standards such as CSS and XHTML.

The RIAA pursues a losing strategy. As they say, those who cannot innovate, litigate. While the iTunes Music Store ain’t exactly a clean break from the old model of music distribution, the fact that you can (for the most part) buy just singles (and not just the crappy singles that the music companies allow to be released) is in itself an innovation.

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Sep 13

27 in summary

I turned 27 years old today.

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Sep 12

27 - Part I

Drunk blogging to “Piggy” by Nine Inch Nails on eternal repeat. One of these days, I hope to get through life better than just barely.

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Sep 13

27 - Part II

After 25, it’s all down-hill. Still don’t know where I’m going to end up, though. The event horizon known as the big 3-0 looms ahead. And sometimes I get the feeling that all the important decisions have already been made. It’s just a matter of riding it all out.

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Sep 14

itunes_playlist

A kludgy way to incorporate my playlist into Blosxom.

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Sep 14

scattered thoughts

Random things I found on the web:

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Sep 14

retrograde consolidation revisited

What I’m trying to say with retrograde consolidation: instead of using new software on new hardware, let’s use old software on new hardware. Examples: ~~SGML~~XML, UNIX, etc.

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Sep 14

gorillaz "m1 a1"

A song that makes me think about zombie attacks. (I’m thinking of “28 Days Later”, “Resident Evil”, “Shaun of the Dead”, “Silent Hill”, or “Omega Man”)

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Sep 14

27 – third time pays for all

Reminiscing on a night spent getting blasted out of my mind.

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Sep 15

outkast "hey ya"

Shake it like a Polaroid picture!

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Sep 16

chrono_nav

“Link to previous article” and “link to next article” for Blosxom.

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Sep 16

r kelly has a way with words

R Kelly sympathizes with Osama bin Laden.

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Sep 17

the xhtml 2 debate

XHTML 2 is deliberately breaking backwards-compatibility and the Web screams. I don’t know why people are so addicted to backwards-compatibility. If you use open-source and open-specs, then there’s nothing to worry about. Some clever hackers will implement the new stuff, and you can move on. Or you go without, and adhere to the old specs, and compile the old source. I mean, there are systems still running Linux 2.2 out there after all.

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Sep 18

the simpsons go to africa

My favorite quote from the Simpsons’ episode ”Simpson Safari”

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Sep 19

blogging – a retrospective

Rebecca Blood is one of the original A-listers on the blogosphere, back before Blogger even existed, and you pretty much had to roll your own blog engine. Going backwards in time on the blogosphere always ends up causing me to go far and wide as well, though, and I find myself in very strange corners of the web.

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Sep 20

buying stuff

Shopping. Getting immersed in wi-fi. Screwing around with Bluetooth. Getting Amazon.com on Blosxom.

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Sep 20

amazon_buybox

The code for getting Amazon.com on a Blosxom weblog

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Sep 21

underworld and neverwhere

And Harry Potter, now that you mention it. It always seems that supernatural worlds have portals in the London Underground, doesn’t it?

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Sep 22

adventures in print serving

Using CUPS to print to the Canon i850 through a print server.

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Sep 23

galileo and the last day of summer

The Galileo space probe meets its end in the atmosphere of Jupiter. The [last day of summer][x1] always leaves me [cold][x2] [x1]: /2001/09/22/the-last-day-of-summer “The Last Day of Summer • 2001 Sep 22 • Foobar” [x2]: /2001/09/30/last-days “Last Days • 2001 Sep 30 • Foobar”

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Sep 24

i think there's something wrong with me

Any moment of triumph crumbles quickly into despair. This may very well kill me some day.

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Sep 25

genius and insanity

Ordered chaos. Deliberate, orchestrated disorder. A quote from Charles Bukowski that backs me up. At least that’s what I tell myself. I may very well be a super genius, or a nascent schizophrenic.

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Sep 25

ass monkey disease

Seasonal affective disorder kicks my ass all the time.

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Sep 25

i don't buy it

The only reason to not write standards-compliant code is sheer laziness. Everything can be rewritten given enough effort.

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Sep 25

maybe god doesn't like you

Homer Simpson sympathizes with God and understands why the Flood had to happen.

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Sep 25

insomnia

One of the symptoms of major depressive disorder. Despite the fact that things are going OK, I still can’t seem to pick myself off from the ground.

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Sep 27

i swear i'm not crazy

I don't know about this (see the second to the last paragraph.) I think that, over time, irrational behavior is increasingly irrational, and rational behavior becomes irrational. (Entropy always wins.) In the end, it's all meaningless chaos. Or as Douglas Adams put it (in my quite oblique interpretation of his quote):

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Sep 30

time travelin'

Back in the Bay Area. I’m like a ghost sifting through memories trapped in amber. I figure that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life, but maybe that won’t be for very long. But trust is a prerequisite for love, so that’s clearly not going to happen. Having too much time on my hands is a good way for me to get into trouble. After seven years, the sting is starting to wear off, but it still stings. The less you have, the more you worry you’ll lose it.

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Oct

Oct 6

the friend zone

I have been trying to convince myself that there's nothing wrong with being alone, that I am capable of living a rich, fulfilling life on my own, without having to rely on anyone else.

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Oct 8

enneagram

I love personality tests.

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Oct 8

loneliness has always been a friend of mine

On Monday, I drove across the Bay Bridge to visit B and we shot the shit about relationships (or more accurately in my case, the lack thereof.) On one hand, this past summer was one of the most action-filled in my life. I've met more women in this one year than I ever have before.

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Oct 9

in the beginning was the word

I don't know why I can't do this, why it's such a painful task to just pound this shit out, write down what I mean to say, and get it done with.

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Oct 10

i need to stop but i can't

Excellent quote from Incidental Findings:

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Oct 11

obsessive compulsive disorder

The thing that sucks is that I really can't stop thinking about it.

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Oct 12

the fragility of life

As I lie here in a hotel room bed, watching my brother, my sister, and my sister's boyfriend sleep as the sun slowly creeps over the horizon, I am content.

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Oct 12

to boldly go where no man has gone before

More personality tests. From the "Which Fantasy/Scifi Character Are You?" quiz.

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Oct 12

de clunibus magnis amandis oratio

Someone translated "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot [lyrics][iTMS] (link from blogdex)

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Oct 14

i need a miniblog

One of the things I had on my old blog that I haven't figured out how to reimplement in Blosxom is a mini-blog in a sidebar. It let me document various sites I visited without having to write a full-on entry on them. But I don't want to screw around with Perl right now, so I'm just going to do it here, for now.

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Oct 15

insomnia episode ii — the attack of the blahs

OK, the fact that I am still awake almost guarantees that I will be unable to wake up at the proper hour tomorrow, but I can't get to sleep.

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Oct 15

i said it before and i'll say it again

...an elephant is faithful, 100 percent.

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Oct 18

plus not minus

Like the author of Incidental Findings, I am often seized by doom and gloom, by full-blown major depressive disorder, by neurovegetative signs. Polyphagia, insomnia, hypersomnia, emotional incontinence, fatigue, anxiety. You name it, I get it.

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Oct 19

various artifacts of nerdiness

Again, I need a miniblog.

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Oct 23

everything must change

Nothing ever stays the same.

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Oct 26

vigil

Again, what is it that I want?

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Oct 27

firestorms of the fall

I made it back to L.A. yesterday, after a mostly uneventful trip through the Central Valley, despite my surprising lack of bladder control (I will speak no more of this.) Along the way, I noticed fire trucks from various sections of Northern California—Palo Alto, Fairfield, Vacaville, Monterey, to name a few—heading down the I-5, and getting off at California 58, most likely on their way to provide backup for those fighting the incredible blaze in the San Bernardino Mountains, which eventually cut off the I-15 running through the Cajon Pass.

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Oct 28

knight of pentacles

the beginnings are always hard it is the endings that I am used to I have never truly watched the sun rise an angry red fireball beneath the churning sea but I have sighed forlornly at the sunset beneath the crashing waves extinguished by the cap of purple velvet night

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Oct 29

recursion

Again, I am perhaps entering a situation that seems remarkably familiar. (Sisyphus' stone rolling down again.)

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Oct 30

to wish impossible things

I couldn't sleep last night, tossing and turning every which way. Maybe it's because of not taking my medication until mid-day. Maybe it's the smoke in the air. Maybe it's the fact that there are a lot of things I need to get done that I haven't yet done.

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Oct 30

r kelly "step in the name of love"

Does R. Kelly realize how calling himself "the pied-piper of R&B" has some possibly pedophilic associations? (Read "The Pied Piper of Hamelin")

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Oct 30

the games we don't play

As I was telling M the other night, my problem is that I foolishly refuse to accept that it is a game, in the strictest, Richard Dawkins, sense of the word. Not just the reproductive sense of it, but the fact that everything is a game, if you take the definition to the extreme.

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Oct 30

interstate 238

I remember the first time I saw the interstate highway shield with "238" in it and recoiled in horror. I am, much to my dismay, a roadgeek. I have been obsessed with freeways and freeway numbering schemes since I was a little child. (If I had only known that transportation engineering was a career option, my life would've have been so different. See, this is what happens when you grow up in a freeway-dependent city like Los Angeles.)

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Oct 31

let go of the past for God's sake!

Can we say fear, doubt, and uncertainty?

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Oct 31

jason nevins "i'm in heaven (presenting UKNY feat. holly james)"

The last place I visited in the Bay Area on Sunday before taking off for the infernal lands of SoCal was the Jamba Juice at Union Landing. (Tangent: I visted this Jamba Juice ridiculously often, on the way back to Fremont from Children's Oakland. One day I forgot to take off my ID tag, and the girl at the register totally had the "You're doing pediatrics?!" reaction&maybe I'll narrate what that is some other time&and I got all embarrassed.) In any case, I waited an inordinately long duration to get my carbohydrate-packed smoothie, and they started playing this song [link from Amazon][lyrics from Google][iTMS search]. What grabbed my attention was the slightly sped-up sample of "Human Nature" by Michael Jackson.

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Nov

Nov 1

angel's flight

Before I forget, I just want to jot down what I dreamt last night. The first part involved walking around Downtown L.A. with my sister. We came across the site of the Angel's Flight, the former funicular that was decommissioned after it derailed and fatally ran over someone. We decided to hike up the steps, except that instead of landing us in the California Plaza, it took us to this summit with a spectacular (but completely unreal) view. Of course I tried to bust out my digital camera to take a magnificent picture of the sunset, and the snow capped mountains to the north. Interestingly, when we continued onward, we came across this atrium with a revolving totem pole made up of religious figures, including, I think, Fr. Junipero Serra, and, likely, Jesus Christ. I tried to take a picture of it, but it was impossible because it kept rotating. Also, the top of Angel's Flight happened to house a light-rail station (in my dream, at least. No such thing exists in real life.) Nine lines converged at this stop, three red, three yellow, two green, and a blue line. Ah. If only L.A. really did have a practical train system.

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Taxonomy is a boundary object.

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Nov 1

exposé

Can I tell you, when Panther (MacOSX 10.3) was released, I moseyed on over to the Apple Store at the Glendale Galleria and played around with Exposé For those who haven't heard, Exposé is Apple's innovative desktop management solution. With a touch of a button, all your windows get scaled down and artfully tiled so that you can see all your apps. It may not sound like much, but, seriously, go to your nearby Apple Store or other Apple retail vendor, and play with the new OSX. (Alternatively, just check out the Quicktime demo of Exposéon apple.com.) The first time I hit F9, I think I almost orgasmed (yeah, yeah, I know, too much information.) It's soo cool.

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Nov 1

coldplay "clocks (royksopp trembling heart remix)"

I tell you, I am obsessed with this song. A couple of weekends ago, while roaming around South Bay (in the Bay Area, as opposed to in SoCal—OK, these links are pointless and I clearly have too much spare time) I decided to visit the Great Mall in Milpitas and ended up, of course, at the Gap. They were playing this particular mix of "Clocks" by Coldplay, and I have been trying to hunt it down ever since.

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Nov 1

i suck

As B can attest, I am no good with glass coffee tables.

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Nov 2

situation normal — who cares if it's all fucked up?

I think I can't drink alcohol any more. It really does act as a depressant on me. Not always immediately, but definitely in the aftermath.

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Nov 2

jesus h christ in a chicken basket

The unedited audio from Neil Armstrong's landing on the moon.

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Nov 2

karmic debt consolidation

While amusing, and even a little practical, I was a little disappointed by this parodic educational fact-page about massive debt. I was expecting the Buddhist equivalent of Catholic indulgences, the kind of place that people like Hitler and George W Bush could go to in order to broker a less debasing next-cycle of life, and still be assured of paying their karmic debt to the universe.

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Nov 2

bread and circuses

Oh man. I'd like to see you top that, Rupert Murdoch. Can there finally be network that sinks to depths lower than Fox? Sky TV tricks six men into fondling and cuddling with Miriam, who is a pre-op transsexual.

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Nov 7

the fall just kills me

My mind is so devoid of anything interesting right now, it depresses me. Lying down for a bit, I felt like I was spinning.

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Nov 8

the fall just kills me - part 2

I am trying not to blog about other people's drama in order to compensate for my own lack of anything to blog about, but, yeah, someone else's drama momentarily intruded upon my own. This resulted in the smoking of two cigarettes and much projectile vomiting (not on my part, for once.)

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Nov 9

full circle

So I am back in Chicago. It's not as cold as I feared (although it's still pretty fucking cold.) I'm glad I haven't been here the whole time. For me, summer only ended about a week ago.

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Nov 18

so much cheese it'll make you poop

To B: yes I'm still updating this blog, as sorry as it is. Before I make any excuses:

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Nov 20

The Veritable Calm Before the Storm

ok, i'm at the hospital, and i've been too lazy to figure out how to get wikieditish]1 to work on my main blog, and i'm tired of trying to screw around with Mindterm and trying to run SSH from a web browser, so here i am.

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Nov 23

demotivators

This phrase looks like it might be from one of those Demotivator posters:

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Nov 25

blog from anywhere

As I have noted previously, I have no inclination to try and install wikieditish since it relies on trapping URLs that don't exist. I learned early on in my travails with Blosxom that if you don't generate a 404 error, this will cause some spiders to get trapped in recursion.

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Nov 26

bezerkeley

Perhaps I was doomed from the start. I remember driving to high school and passing by Berkeley Ave. every single weekday as I headed south on Glendale Blvd. And even earlier than that, I had been using GEOS for the Commodore 64. (This here is geek history—the Commodore 64 is probably the computer that most Gen X hackers grew up on, perhaps alongside the Apple IIc. GEOS was a GUI for the Commodore 64. Can you believe it? A GUI on a machine that only had 64KB of RAM.) The creator of this awesome piece of software was originally called, you guessed it, Berkeley Software Design. In retrospect, hilariously, I recall that the decorative fonts were all named after either buildings on the UC Campus, or streets. So they had fonts like Telegraph and Dwinelle, Durant and Evans, Barrows, Bancroft, Wheeler, LeConte. And the system font? BSD. (After the software company, not the venerable Berkeley Software Distribution version of UNIX.)

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Nov 29

fiction and so called reality

Since I sped right through Tehanu, I decided to keep going on to The Other Wind, and again, I am astounded by the faint echoes of things that I once knew, or had been told, once upon a time, in that imaginary place that was my childhood. My mind tries to reach for symmetry, for congruity, understanding that within every story, however fantastic, there is a bit of reality, that a story is a lie we use to tell the truth.

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Nov 29

le guin, dick, and the matrix

I just remembered what else I meant to write.

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Nov 29

the smiths "last night i dreamt that somebody loved me"

Last night I really did dream. It was kind of depressing in a familiar sort of way, and I was not surprised when I woke alone. But what struck me wasn't the sex (although there was that in the dream), but holding her in my arms, trusting each other.

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Nov 30

catalog

Yes, your eyes are not deceived. It is in fact 3am Central Standard Time, and I am come from a rescue, though I knew it not until it was accomplished. The smell of drear smoke hangs onto me. (I think to myself, where is the rhyme, the reason.... But that is neither here nor there.) It has been a while since I went out onto the streets, had a few drinks, smoked a few cigarettes, an awkward moment, the meaning of my presence not registering until it is told to me baldly to my face, and, if I were someone else, if I were not who I was (and, I wonder idly, why is the subjunctive mood going out of favor in the English language?) I might suppose that I have but to wait, I have but to set my own terms, and they will come to me willingly.

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Nov 30

lazy sunday

Sunday calls can be bad, because since the day is often uneventful, you have to keep admitting through the night. Of course, this is when five people decide to walk into the ER complaining of chest pain, who end up having abnormal EKGs, and now you're admitting five people at 5 in the morning.

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Nov 30

earthsea continued

I searched Google for the idea I threw around earlier, of how Austronesians sailed to Easter Island and maybe even to the west coast of South America and found it in the Valley News, among other places.

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Nov 30

plumbing the depths of code

I've mentioned the fact that the twin pillars of the new economy, information technology and biotechnology, both deal mostly with information, specifically code, whether the binary digits of silicon, gallium, and arsenic, or the trinary codons of DNA.

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Nov 30

creation

I forgot to mention another parallel between "The Creation of Ea" (the Earthsea Creation Story) and "Malakas at Maganda" (a Filipino Creation story). While the Immanent Grove figures prominently in the Earthsea Cycle, the grove of bamboo serves as the birthplace of humanity in "Malakas at Maganda."

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Dec

Dec 5

the way

I have been embroiled in a flame war regarding, of all things, Taoism in, of all places, the Alibata Yahoo! Group. Which is remarkably synchronous with my ruminations regarding Ursula K. Le Guin, whose works are pretty much infused with Taoism, and who wrote a poetic interpretation of the Tao Te Ching as well. The at-times rancorous exchange has gotten my mind back on the Tao, and how I really should get to finishing reading all those different translations that I've started, and how, ever since my crisis of faith, precipitated by September 11 and the Catholic Church's abysmal handling of the child molestation charges, the only thing I've really had any faith in is the Way.

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Dec 6

ruminations continued

I've just been pondering how too many people disdain activists. Yes, I accept the fact that people have jobs and have families to take care of and sometimes they can't afford to be idealistic. Survival ends up coming first. There is nothing wrong with that. You can't help anybody if you're dead.

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Dec 6

graceful cascading failure

Renowned writer Arthur C. Clarke comments on information overload. From slashdot.org, natch.

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Dec 10

interlude

Four interviews within five days? Sure, no problem.

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Dec 11

dizzy

I love how medical school has made me a hopeless hypochondriac.

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Dec 11

small tragedies

My sister calls me, her voice quavering, asking me if I want them to wait for me before they euthanize our 13 year old dog Lucky. I am nonplussed, taken aback, but I guess I've been desensitized to death, I've known that this would come at some point eventually, and I tell her, do whatever you gotta do. Lucky has lived a full life, especially for a dog her size, and it would grieve me to know that she was in pain for her last days.

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Dec 15

the illusion of "I"

So I am reading Barbara Jane's New Blog and stumble upon this interesting Quizilla, Which 20th Century Theorist are you?. Now I know absolutely nothing about postmodern epistemological theory—the farthest I really got was existentialism, with a dash of postcolonialism and neo-Marxism thrown in simply because I'm a person-of-color who hung out with other people-of-color who actually understand this stuff. I only know Freud from negative example: no serious psychiatrist or behavioralist takes him seriously anymore, and modern psychiatry and cognitive development is pretty much built upon neuroscience and cognitive behavior.

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Dec 15

iBook saga continues

I miss blogging. Of course, lately I have very little to blog about, what with my life completely subsumed with my internal medicine subinternship, and interviews with med/peds residency programs, but, frankly, I'm beginning to feel pretty mentally constipated.

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Dec 16

the road ahead

It is strange, now. My happiness (as artificial as it may be) is starting to wear off. I guess it's the part of me that wants to stay rooted. Inertia.

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Dec 18

getting my kicks on route 66

I am currently in Amarillo, TX. I actually chose this hotel I'm at precisely because they have in-room Internet access. How geeky is that.

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Dec 23

i'm not dying, i just can't think of anything else better to do

it's like i've been in a coma ever since i arrived in l.a. on saturday. it is now tuesday and i couldn't really tell you what i've been doing the past few days. excepting sleeping. i've been averaging about 16-18 hours of sleep these past few days. my dad is convinced that i have infectious mononucleosis. i do have swollen lymph nodes and unremitting malaise and fatigue. but no pharyngitis.

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Dec 24

go jesus, it's ya birfday

(title courtesy of aaron mcgruder.)

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Dec 25

let there be light

i woke up ok today. it's a dark, dreary, gloomy winter day, as wintery as it can get in southern california, and it's raining, but i am at peace.

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Dec 30

time, reality, and death

I had a really bizarre dream last night. I will try to relate it "chronologically," meaning, in the order that I remember events, but anyone who has ever had a vivid dream can tell you this is utterly futile.

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Dec 31

it's over now

Just wanted to post on the last day of 2003. Suffice it to say that it is a bad idea to try to cut your Zoloft dose by 50 mg when scarcely half a year has passed since you started taking it.

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mahiwaga

I'm not really all that mysterious

2003

Jan

Feb

Mar

Apr

May

Jun

Jul

Aug

Sep

Oct

Nov

Dec