I write this as I am getting pummelled during, of all things, my pediatrics rotation. But, as for now, I will otherwise plead the Fifth Amendment. (Please see Medical Student Rule #1: Before seeking vengeance, make sure all the evaluations are in.)

(If you can’t tell already, I’m making all of this up as I go.)

Now. How to deal with Evil. Well. As a medical student, I’m sorry to say, there’s pretty much nothing you can do.

Medical Student Rule #2: Everyone looks out for their own.

Interns will standup for other interns. Senior residents tend to stick together. Attendings don’t look too kindly on residents bad-mouthing other attendings.

In other words: It is not always safe to commiserate with the residents you are working with, even if it is well recognized that the person you are talking about is Evil. So, do not automatically expect that your Friendly Intern will agree with your complaints. You are not in their shoes yet, and as such, they have special privileges when it comes to complaining that you haven’t earned. Beware. Because of the subtly intricate, completely illogical relationships that form in a tangled hierarchy, just because a Friendly Intern recognizes someone as Evil doesn’t mean you are allowed to call someone Evil. A fine point, indeed, but one that will give you insight should your otherwise Friendly Intern ever end up consigning you to eternal rectal exam duty.

(Notice that MS Rule #2 can be interpreted in multiple ways. For the medical student, this generally means that you should always make sure that all of your classmates are reasonably safe. Selling people out to make yourself look better is very well recognized by residents and attendings—they went to med school too, you know—so if this is your strategy for a good clinical eval, don’t say you weren’t warned. Also, on a service team, everyone should take care of each other and make sure that no one is left behind in the house—more on this later. And if you go to a really, really bad medical school that takes all sorts of rejects, what Rule #2 can mean is that all your classmates are disgustingly selfish, and will completely disregard Rule #2. You are now in a horrible quandry. But this is another discussion.)

So, therefore, here is Medical Student Rule #3: Suck it up.

Some rotations (especially surgery rotations) will remarkably resemble cruel hazing rituals at fraternities, except that you will have to be sober. Sure, you can always complain to your fellow classmates and make sure they understand how miserable you are by carrying a black cloud around your head that makes everyone within a 50 foot radius as utterly miserable as you are. (After all, we’re all supposed to empathize, right?) But, for some weird reason, this will make you incredibly unpopular at parties. Some mean-spirited individuals might even label you as a whining, spoiled brat who has never had to do an honest bit of work in their life, and now that you’re coming up against a little adversity, you are already crying. If, however, this doesn’t bother you one bit, well, more power to you. It is apparently a popular strategy despite these well known side-effects.

(Wow. Sorry for being completely incoherent. I don’t even have the excuse of being post-call today.)

But remember this: this too shall pass. At worst, each service typically only lasts for one month. While you might have to do, for example, acute general medicine for a total of twelve weeks, you will typically be terrorized by a specific Evil individual for only four of those weeks, and then they’ll be off service. Not to say that you won’t be unlucky and be terrorized by a different Evil individual each month, but most suffering is transient. (In a similar vein, as an orthopedic resident once said: All bleeding stops eventually.)

And if you’re already miserable, well, I don’t know. You just might want to re-evaluate whether medicine is in fact the right field for you.