Apr 2008
- Apr 3
- random quotes gleaned from the web
Twitter is an exercise in simulating Brownian motion in a network. It's kind of like the example of the drunkard trying to find his way from the bar by choosing a random direction at each intersection he crosses. Or, technically, I guess, it's a random walk on a graph, where instead of merely choosing cardinal directions, you could just as easily choose walking through a tunnel, down a diagonal, or up a freeway on-ramp.
· Read more… - Apr 4
- hoping against
I have this fantasy that if I hold my breath and Valsalva real hard, that nothing will come in through the emergency department that they'll call me about.
· Read more… - Apr 4
- weird, lucid dreams
I dreamt that I was trapped on a planet in a colony star system that had sort of descended into barbarism. Magic was real, and one of the main centers of government was the School of Magic, highly reminiscent of Hogwarts, without the forest around it. I believe there was an alternative community that opposed the magicians, and that relied on old 20th century technology.
· Read more… - Apr 5
- a song in my head
As I finish off my residency, I realize that no matter how awful some of the remaining hours and the minutes can be, this experience is finite and bounded. My senior resident on my very first in-patient intern month took a sardonic aphorism from the seminal medical novel "The House of God" and added a hopeful corollary which has become something of an unspoken mantra. "They can always hurt you more, but they can't stop the clock."
· Read more… - Apr 6
- sing your melody
…with longing and wistful hopelessness, he parted from her reluctantly, out into the cold darkness. The bejeweled stars of Orion dipped headlong into the sea, and the night air made him shiver. Sometimes, the right song plays at the right moment, crystallizing a brief memory, forever remembered half-wrong and askew. But he remembers her smile.
· Read more… - Apr 6
- valediction
I haven't made up my mind if I'm going to stay or if I'm going to go. The reasons for going are obvious. The reasons for staying are not so clear, but in brief moments, they are incredibly compelling.
· Read more… - Apr 6
- complexity of the global economy
This song by Wyclef Jean, Akon, Lil Wayne, and Niia seems pretty straight-forward: it's about a girl who seemed to have it all together in high school: all the guys dug her, she was in sports, and did well in school. But she ends up having to become a prostitute, in order that she and her kid can survive.
· Read more… - Apr 7
- it's made out of people!
I could say something snarky about the passing of the legendary Charlton Heston. (On Twitter, I saw someone ask if we could finally take his guns.) I still find myself highly amused by his lines from "Ben-Hur" about being peace-loving and some such.
· Read more… - Apr 8
- stuck in the '80s
My iPod took me back, way back, on the drive home from work today:
· Read more… - Apr 8
- randomly walking through YouTube
So my trip down memory lane keeps going:
· Read more… - Apr 8
- inspiration and sacrifice
So talking to S has inspired me. And reminded me of all the things that I've given up to follow this path that I'm on.
· Read more… - Apr 9
- ever heard of opportunity cost?
This article in the Washington Post tries to argue that prevention is more expensive than intervention. The only problem is that they deliberately ignore two preventative measures that have clearly been demonstrated to decrease costs: immunizations, and colon cancer screening.
· Read more… - Apr 12
- answers
In that moment, as I leaned on the railing and watched them all dancing, the unasked questions buoyed my heart, lifted it up with the tide, and I smiled, knowing for that one moment the answer.
· Read more… - Apr 13
- self-doubt
For some reason, old songs I haven't thought of for a while suddenly sprang forth from my memory.
· Read more… - Apr 13
- here
my heart misgives me
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and yet this vigil I must keep
through the long dark night alone I gaze upon the stars - Apr 14
- small tasks; simple promises
Even as I grow torpid and still, I remember that I promised myself that I would see the ocean today, come hell or high water. The temptation to just crash out on my bed is immense, but I know I will be a lesser person if I give in.
· Read more… -
- Apr 14
- consequences of the sunlight/the dream of the wave
Oh man, I let myself get burned. Despite my brown skin, even I am not immune to the effects of the California sun.
· Read more… - Apr 16
- light chasing away the darkness
This song always makes me go a little teary-eyed.
· Read more… - Apr 18
- brain splat
What is going through my head?
· Read more… - Apr 18
- the way is not straight
To find the way, you must search for it
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but you cannot search for it without losing it first
and how can you lose the way if you have never found it? - Apr 18
- all water, all light
The water that falls upon the arid plain
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was once the water that flowed in waves upon the deep dark sea
the water from the well that you drink with great thirst
the water that flows through the river, rushing down rapids swirling in eddies
the water that is your perspiration, that are your tears
and blood is made up mostly of water, and so is urine and bile - Apr 19
- sacrifice
If I could guarantee the happiness of a certain someone whom I think is the coolest person in the world at this point, I would sell my soul at a pinch. No matter how much misery I must endure, if I know that she is happy, then whatever I suffer will be bearable.
· Read more… - Apr 19
- man's best friend
Grasp him tightly, try to carry him
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and he will squirm and struggle
snap and bite and cry out
trying to get free - Apr 19
- type-a personality
that which you seek to perfect
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fussing and worrying over
will come to ruin
too much force
and the thing will break
too much care
and you will wear it thin
and all you're left with are the little pieces
useless debris, detritus - Apr 19
- fortune telling
There is nothing external to yourself that can tell you about the future, because you already know what's going to happen. And if you don't know it now, you'll never know it.
· Read more… - Apr 19
- the way
I
· Read more… - Apr 19
- simple action
XVII
· Read more… - Apr 19
- trying to characterize what makes me sick
The irony is, I'm terrible with details. I can't figure out the right threshold, the right setting. Either I actively ignore the minutiae and pretend they don't exist at all, or I end up mired in the trivial, and I end up taking hours when it should've taken minutes, and every task becomes a variation of Zeno's Paradox, getting halfway there, then halfway again, then halfway again of that, but still no closer to the finish line. This leaves me extraordinarily tired and frustrated, with a bunch of half-finished or maybe three-quarters finished projects lying around.
· Read more… - Apr 20
- hourglass/urgency
I reached inside myself and found
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nothing there to ease the pressure of my ever worried mind.
All my powers waste away.
I fear the crazed and lonely looks the mirror's sending me these days. - Apr 21
- already the moment has passed
Driving from work. Nothing as wearying as watching the sunrise, as you're pining for your own bed.
· Read more… - Apr 21
- waybread/an overliteral dissection
II
· Read more… - Apr 21
- not the first time I've heard it
A man's maturity consists in having found again the seriousness one had as a child, at play.
· Read more… - Apr 22
- anticipating karaoke night
J™ reminds me of this classic chestnut, one the great theme songs of unrequited love.
· Read more… - Apr 24
- hiatus
I accidentally nuked my blog, so it'll be a while before I get back up and running again. Stay tuned!
· Read more… - Apr 25
- fixed
While I had stay at work all night until the morning, I really didn't do much besides get Mephisto up and running again. This all started because I got sick of the Scribbish theme (which is, nonetheless, a great theme—I dig the hAtom support). I tried to install the Clarity-Orange theme but because Safari irritatingly always decompresses files, I ended up with a folder instead of zip file.
· Read more… - Apr 25
- how i hate the night (reprise)
Now the world has gone to bed,
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Darkness won't engulf my head,
I can see by infrared,
How I hate the night.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
Try to count electric sheep,
Sweet dream wishes you can keep,
How I hate the night. - Apr 25
- shh!
III
· Read more… - Apr 26
- don't let's start
iv
· Read more… - Apr 30
- serendipity never disappoints
So apparently I've had this song sitting on my iPod for years, literally, and Sunday was the first time I ever heard it.
· Read more… - Apr 30
- dimensionless
wanting starlight
· Read more…
sunlight
sunrise
gold glimmer
warmth
you make me think of home
and a deep longing buried within the frozen chambers of my heart
thaws
like darkness arising
monstrous awakening
madness stirring