tags: rhyme
1999
July
- 1999 Jul 25
- An Unsent Letter
To transcribe this, or not to transcribe this. Well. I wonder if this will just languish unread, and what will happen if it doesn't. Oh well. Too late now. Names and identifying details have been elided to protect the innocent. Hi! How are you?….
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August
- 1999 Aug 6
- The Day a Star Exploded on the Earth
The universe may not be random, but we'll never know. Our sense need noise. That's how they work—discerning between noise that is interesting and important and that which is not. The human mind can probably only handle a certain range of signal to noise, too low, and it can't discern anything, too high, and you get overwhelmed (or distortion, like pumping the input too high on an amp.)
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September
- 1999 Sep 7
- The Summation of All Consequences
The HTML is, in some sick way, slow. Perhaps I HAVE learned to write faster than I type. I don't know why I delude myself (on several levels at once, no less), thinking that somehow I'll resolve this madness by writing it all down, but I suppose I will know the summation of all consequences on, of all days, my birthday. Yes, all my questions will be asnwered, and I will be free to plot my course in as haphazard a manner as I might like (assuming the worst. It's easier that way.)
· Read more… - 1999 Sep 27
- Loneliness
Let's talk about loneliness. It is, after all, [redacted]'s birthday, two years since my debacle. I still love her, if you can call my mania love. But I don't know what the point of this is. I suppose I miss the idea of being loved, of being important, in a unique way, to one person alone.
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2000
July
- 2000 Jul 5
- Trying to Fight Fate
I know what everyone else wants, but I can never figure it out for yself. Typical melodrama of course, but you've got to add some spice to life. Too early to give any useful details away anyway. Got to find a proper way of exposition.
· Read more… - 2000 Jul 6
- Rhymeless
Ideas: the Satyrcorn, and ridculomalaria
· Read more… - 2000 Jul 23
- Question
But, question, should I spend any more time with [redacted]? At this ridiculous distance, there is really no hope, but, hell, I can't let go. I am compsing an e-mail in my mind as [I write this]. I will feel so lost if I just let go like that.
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August
- 2000 Aug 7
- Dreaming of Poetry
OK, this every other day thing kind of stinks. I really have to do this every day. There's a lot of shit going through my mind, enough for me to get lost in, so I've got to make it a point to sort it out.
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September
- 2000 Sep 10
- Confusing Obsession with Kismet
Who will understand this shit? Even the closest, the girl of my dreams, is thousands of kilometers away.
· Read more… - 2000 Sep 19
- Geography of My Dreams
Dreams:
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December
- 2000 Dec 5
- Revelation
It figures that just when I'm about to write down an important revelation, something comes up. So let's see if I can catch what I was talking about.
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2001
February
- 2001 Feb 12
- Non-linear and Unpredictable
Why I must force life to be linear and predictable, I do not know, but it is surely the root cause of much of my unhappiness. It is unfortunate that it is easier to be miserable than to be content, but like I'm implying, life really isn't all that linear.
· Read more… - 2001 Feb 12
- Another Unsent Letter
You saved my life, I think. I was seriously ready to give up hope completely—I knew that if I went on for another month without things turning around, I didn't want to keep going. But then, by sheer chance, you showed up in my life and taught me what I was going through was (relatively and loosely-speaking) normal, and that something would turn up eventually, and that I wasn't alone. I'm not sure I've used what you've taught me wisely, but I do know that I'm in your debt.
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- 2001 Feb 19
- Without Rhyme or Reason
I feel restless and cramped. Caged, really, with no apparent hope for escape. I cannot even fantasize my way out of this madness, short of hospitalization. Maybe [St. John's wort] will help again, though. I cannot stand So Cal February gloom. I think maybe there are only a few months I can endure.
· Read more… - 2001 Feb 20
- Dreaming of Rhyme
Bleh. I dreamnt of [redacted] last night… as I am wont to disclaim, it was nothing perverted. If I were a little more emotional, or if I wasn't so tapped out and bled dry, I might have wept upon waking, but everything is just too little, too late, and what the fuck am I doing here surrounded by people I do not trust, people who would probably sell me if it would turn them a profit.
· Read more… - 2001 Feb 23
- Without Rhyme or Reason
Am I a moron or what? My life is like a diluted, bawlderized version of Louis-Ferdinand Céline’s. (My other role model is, megalomaniacally, José Rizal. Frighteningly, I would say Céline’s life is the cheerier of the two.) I would probably never make it as a writer, though. I can always seem to find a Cure song that precisely expresses my misery.
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November
- 2001 Nov 7
- Roads
Journey to the Past.
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2003
March
- 2003 Mar 9
- The Arcane Art of Comments
ay caramba (i have been watching "the simpsons" way too much), for some reason blogger doesn't like me. it keeps eating my posts. oh well.
· Read more… - 2003 Mar 14
- comments on "The Universe Is a Big Doughnut"
Comment on The Universe Is a Big Doughnut • 2003 Mar 12 • Congestive Soul Failure
· Read more… - 2003 Mar 15
- Anonymity and the Wonderfully Bizarre Age of Information
How to keep blog personae anonymous. Still looking for solutions.
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May
- 2003 May 24
- premature death
I dreamt this a month or two ago, but it has popped into my mind again. In my dream, my widow (and, yes, it is a particular woman I am friends with whom I will leave nameless, although trust me it isn't who you think, whomever you are thinking of)—she is with my son in some park. (Childhood memories make me want to think that it is Griffith Park. Or maybe the La Brea Tar Pits.) It's kind of a haunting idea. Imagine, if I actually eventually fell in love and got married and had a kid, only to die at an early age. Well. My mom always teased me that because I have small ears, that I would have a short life. And I have already had a very cinematic dream of my death scene (which I might narrate in this space sometime if I haven't already.) Not that I believe in prophecies or anything. Trust me. My foresight has always missed the marked.
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July
- 2003 Jul 1
- Via Trails
You can’t really call it stalking can you? It’s not like I’m breaking into their computers or anything….
· Read more… - 2003 Jul 3
- Fatal Exception Error (Shut It Down! Shut It Down!)
At some point I may require some Haldol.
· Read more… - 2003 Jul 4
- The Deep End (Year 227 of the Republic)
And not even anything to dream about.
· Read more… - 2003 Jul 14
- The Art of Self-Medication - Reprise
Another confession: I have serious problems. But some of you already knew that. Why I don’t tell people who are close to me, and yet I’m OK with telling the entire Internet, who knows?
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September
- 2003 Sep 3
- a7 "piece of heaven (central seven remix)"
This song makes me think of Robotech.
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2004
October
- 2004 Oct 13
- Knowing That the World Was Right
In the light of day, my despair evaporates. with the sun shining, it's hard to imagine the aching sadness, the weight of 10 years of wandering the desert, alone and forsaken, suddenly coming down upon me in the middle of the night, unannounced and unexpected.
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2005
January
- 2005 Jan 25
- masochism
On R's advice (as you can see, I am very suggestible), I headed up to the Central Coast and am hanging around Cambria and vicinity (which includes such places as Cayucos, San Simeon, Morro Bay, San Luis Obispo, Atascadero, Templeton, and Paso Robles, among others.) Mostly, I just want to stare at the sea. (There is clearly something very wrong with me.)
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May
- 2005 May 2
- what are words for? (before the tangent)
OK, I got distracted there from what I was trying to say. The reason why I scraped this fragmented lyric from the inside of my brain is because I am musing on something a girl once wrote me, a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
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2006
March
- 2006 Mar 5
- what’s the use of knowing the future
I seem to be experiencing blogorrhea right now. Ah, nothing like insomnia.
· Read more… - 2006 Mar 23
- desperation and despair
Reading random blog posts, I find this sentence incredibly sad:
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August
- 2006 Aug 6
- seven years (not in tibet)
(I was thinking of the city of Lhasa this morning as I contemplated my dog, who is a Lhasa Apso-something else. I also thought of the cheery thought my sister shared with me a while ago: you know how we’re fighting wars for oil these days? She predicts that the next natural resource we’ll be fighting wars for will be water. Specifically, as the Himalayan snowpack starts to melt because of global warming, India and China will be forced into a standoff over water rights. I also think that contention over water rights will be the single most important factor driving the politics of California in the next few years. But that is neither here nor there.)
· Read more… - 2006 Aug 6
- ipod randomness
Making that familiar drive back down to San Diego, I found myself in a very sullen, sulky, and brooding mood. Maybe it’s just the fact that I have to go to work tomorrow. Back to reality, I guess. No use crying over impossibilities.
· Read more… - 2006 Aug 8
- opening a random box of memories
It’s the little things that I remember with the greatest poignancy, most of them existing only in my mind. She would likely be shocked and disturbed by things running through my crazed brain.
· Read more… - 2006 Aug 11
- self-improvement is masturbation
Neuron by neuron, we are taking the centers out. What I would give to have this as permanent, this not giving a shit about the world. OK, maybe I exaggerate. Even as drunk as I am, I have misgivings.
· Read more… - 2006 Aug 15
- running away at first sight
The real reason I grew confused and insane is that I realized that I still like someone else a lot, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. (And this is probably unwise and stupid to post here, but I really don’t care anymore. I’m like a tagger with a spraypaint can, leaving “Kilroy was here” all over the place, like a dog pissing on trees. If you can figure out who I am, and who I’m talking about, well, good for you, it doesn’t change a goddamn thing.)
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September
- 2006 Sep 24
- capriciousness of chance
So Mireya1 actually called me back and like a fool, I said, no, I can’t go out tonight. Stupid.
· Read more… - 2006 Sep 28
- starlight (continually redshifted)
gonna buy me a spaceship
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powered by dark energy
take me to the outermost reaches
forever chasing infinity
November
- 2006 Nov 21
- fragmentation and the paradox of social networks
Mostly, I like the fact that it’s not MySpace.
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2007
April
- 2007 Apr 30
- “sometime” is “never”
I saw it for a second
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caught glancingly in the corner of my eye
The four walls that enclose time
The four walls closing in
Behind the wheel
I pondered singularities
accepted my singularity
how you can be certain about certain things
though all of time is yet uncertain
This is my life
ending by hours, minutes, and seconds
this damnable ever-ticking clock
counting down through these years of loneliness
my fate, my doom
a curse upon my soul
unbroken, unbreakable
September
- 2007 Sep 5
- no desire
why this dream now,
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disinterring the past
I thought I had buried it deep
buried it well
October
- 2007 Oct 19
- again with the indecision
Right now I can feel my plasma glucose levels slipping. My liver seems to have exhausted all of its supply of glycogen or something, too.
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2008
April
- 2008 Apr 21
- not the first time I've heard it
A man's maturity consists in having found again the seriousness one had as a child, at play.
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August
- 2008 Aug 20
- not in this timeline
a phantom lifestyle imagined by my fevered mind where there would be someone at home who would wish me luck and send me out with a hug and a kiss, and there would be someone to look forward to seeing once
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it's all over
2009
February
- 2009 Feb 19
- the geography of los angeles
Now, I haven't actually lived in L.A. since 1999, but I go there as often as twice-a-month to visit my parents and my sibs. In the time I've been elsewhere, certainly a lot has happened. When I left for college, Echo Park and Silver Lake were still kind of sketchy areas (Echo Park is, after all, part of the demesne of the infamous Rampart Division that had its infamous special anti-gang unit) and I felt like a lot of Angelenos had no idea that Eagle Rock was in the state of California, much less part of L.A. But as R can attest, the hipster population in Echo Park and Silver Lake have certainly increased, and I continue to be astounded at how much Colorado Blvd. and Eagle Rock Blvd. have gentrified. I knew it was a beginning of a new era when a Starbucks finally opened on the corner of those aforementioned streets.
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2011
July
- 2011 Jul 8
- fireworks
Tonight was fireworks night at Dodger Stadium, and as I watched bright colorful explosions in the sky from a distant hill, I remembered that it was around this time of year twelve years ago when I made a last-minute decision that would forever change my life in weird and sometimes quite traumatic ways.
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2016
January
- 2016 Jan 4
- Reminiscing
Realizing how happy I am these days, and also how my cares and worries have evolved, I can't help but think back to the times when I was single and mired in desolation.
· Read more… - 2016 Jan 29
- Fear of Starting
Worried that if I start, then I won't finish
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all these loose wayward threads
I am still shuffling, still scavenging
untying knots and burning frayed ends
February
- 2016 Feb 5
- Rhyme Saves
Funny how a song can pull me back in time.
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