Nov 2006
- Nov 1
- trapped in my own consciousness
Hat tip to my cousin J who has a thing for these things.
· Read more… - Nov 1
- finger eleven “one thing”
This is a scattered memory of driving up the Grapevine by myself, heading back to L.A. one February…
· Read more… - Nov 1
- there is a thought struggling to crawl out of my mind
I don’t know if it’s just the psychotropic drugs, but I feel like I’m evading something lurking in my brain. Something that I’ve tried to face down head-to-head, only to find myself defeated each and every time. So like the coward that I am, I’ve decided to try to just runaway from it and ignore it.
· Read more… - Nov 2
- excuses, excuses
The easy way out is to say that I’m tired, that I’ve been at work all day, and I just don’t want to deal. And it’s all true, I’m not making it up.
· Read more… - Nov 2
- coldplay “see you soon”
This song stopped me cold in my tracks today, and I think I might’ve cried had it been some other time, back when I was someone else entirely.
· Read more… - Nov 3
- death cab for cutie “what sarah said”
So who’s gonna watch you die?
· Read more… - Nov 4
- no on proposition 85
As a health care provider, and especially as a pediatrician, it’s pretty clear that parental notification for abortion is a bad idea. It’s not entirely clear what this would accomplish, other than cutting off access of teen-aged girls to not only D&C’s, but prenatal counselling and care in general.
· Read more… - Nov 5
- flashbacks (the theory of circular time)
It was fitting that I caught Alexander Proyas’ “Dark City” on cable the other day. In case you’ve never watched it, it is set in some noir city where it seems like it’s always night, and for some reason there doesn’t seem to be a way out of it. One of the characters comes to realize this and basically goes insane, repeatedly drawing spirals everywhere he goes. (Wow, that’s weird, I just realized that this happens in China Miéville’s book Iron Council as well—one of the characters goes around the city of New Crobuzon drawing spirals everywhere. Totally different meaning, though.)
· Read more… - Nov 6
- the magic of the ipod and other miscellaneous insanities
Cause its gone, daddy, gone
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Your love is gone
Gone, daddy, gone
The love is gone away - Nov 7
- human nature
It is the curse of humanity that it learns to tolerate even the most horrible situations by habituation. — Rudolf Virchow
· Read more… - Nov 7
- direction
I’m grinding my teeth, thinking about what happens next, and what the next 18 months will mean.
· Read more… - Nov 7
- new
Excuse me sir
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I’m lost
I’m looking for a place
where I can get lost
I’m looking for a home
For my malfunctioning being
I’m looking for the mechanical music museum - Nov 7
- random words keep seeping through
She was right, though, I can’t lie.
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She’s just one of those corners in my mind,
And I just put her right back with the rest.
That’s the way it goes, I guess. - Nov 8
- synchronicity
The whole thing about things coming in threes. Again it’s one of those misconceptions that the pattern recognition machinery of the mind foists upon us, but enough about that.
· Read more… - Nov 10
- synchronicity revisited
Now that I understand the Laws of Probability a little better, I recognize that most coincidences are meaningless, or even more likely, most coincidences become significant in my mind only because my attention shifts for one reason or another.
· Read more… - Nov 10
- like a thief in the night
It’s 4 a.m. and I’m heading up to L.A.
· Read more… - Nov 10
- not really synchronicity
I caught the tail end of “Just Like Heaven” which is set in San Francisco, features Reese Witherspoon as an ER resident who works 24 hour shifts and ends up kind of undead, and is titled after a Cure song (and which Katie Melua does a pretty good cover version of.)
· Read more… - Nov 11
- random walk
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy also talks about love. It says, “Avoid if at all possible.”
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- Nov 13
- traipsing around north county
And the way I feel tonight
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I could die and I wouldn’t mind
And there’s something going on inside
Makes you want to feel makes you want to try
Makes you want to blow the stars from the sky - Nov 16
- sick but less twisted than usual
Be my friend
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Hold me, wrap me up
Enfold me
I am small
I’m needy
Warm me up
And breathe me - Nov 17
- definitely broken, and unfixable
What is it in me that drives me to wander the empty ether on a Friday night, bereft of companionship? Why is it that I torture my mind with “could’ve beens”? Or worse yet, things that couldn’t’ve possibly ever happened, they were just thin, dry yearnings escaping from the cracks in my soul, as impossible then as they are now.
· Read more… - Nov 18
- filipinos
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- Nov 20
- fragmentation and the retrospectoscope
…less and less of this makes any sense. I all of the sudden had to ask myself, what exactly am I hiding from? Why do I hide behind the shadows and the walls, cower in the dark spaces, and the corners? What was it that happened, that made me want to disappear, never to be seen again?
· Read more… - Nov 21
- fragmentation and the paradox of social networks
Mostly, I like the fact that it’s not MySpace.
· Read more… - Nov 21
- rescue mode
Damn it. My main blogs are down. Disordered Thought Processes and Starlight and Gravity are down for the count.
· Read more… - Nov 23
- in memory of indigenous peoples
Much like Columbus Day, Thanksgiving Day has the taint of Western Imperialism on it. It’s just the sad fact of history, and I do try my best not to make too much of it. Just like black people can reclaim the word “nigger,” and gay and lesbian people can reclaim the word “queer,” perhaps we people of color can simply re-appropriate Thanksgiving Day and recreate it so that it doesn’t underscore nor elide the destruction of indigenous culture, and perhaps still be a meaningful day of thanksgiving.
· Read more… - Nov 25
- w’s karma
Today I heard an awful story about an Iraq War veteran. 25 years old, beautiful wife, beautiful kids. On his third tour in Iraq, he runs into an IED. Now he’s paralyzed from the neck down, raging angrily in the Spinal Cord Injury unit.
· Read more… - Nov 25
- war and surgery (a metaphor revisited)
The problem with health care professional talking about the Iraq War is that we always seem to find ourselves with mixed metaphors.
· Read more… - Nov 26
- my mind is not broken, it’s just seriously sprained
I don’t know. This night, this night, my brain is filled with a foggy void. I don’t know if it’s just fatigue, just this irregular sleep-wake cycle that keeps me spinning in hopeless circles.
· Read more… - Nov 27
- tongue-tied
“You have a Midland accent” is just another way of saying “you don’t have an accent.” You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
· Read more… - Nov 29
- some semblance of winter
The temperature was somewhere in the mid 60s today, which is chilly for Southern California. Combined with the Christmas carols and the mall displays, it’s actually starting to feel like December is coming.
· Read more… - Nov 29
- casualties
My mind suddenly wraps itself upon the topic of death once again. It is, I realize, a frequent topic of my profession, one that I am guaranteed to revisit again and again, and while intellectually, I recognize that it is a simple fact of life, viscerally, it still gives me the heebie-jeebies.
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