Sep 1999

Sep 7

The Summation of All Consequences

The HTML is, in some sick way, slow. Perhaps I HAVE learned to write faster than I type. I don't know why I delude myself (on several levels at once, no less), thinking that somehow I'll resolve this madness by writing it all down, but I suppose I will know the summation of all consequences on, of all days, my birthday. Yes, all my questions will be asnwered, and I will be free to plot my course in as haphazard a manner as I might like (assuming the worst. It's easier that way.)

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Sep 9

Repetition

I started typing this in, but then I thought that I should write, but then again… ah, what a conundrum. I'm torn between pen and paper vs. keyboard and monitor. The former has [the] advantage of the satisfaction of generating a sizable mass of dead tree and the ability to peruse my jotting without needing electricity. The [latter] is advantageous in as much as I'd like to HTMLize my thoughts and present them to the wwworld… but then again, that might not be such a great idea. I've been saying that my thoughts go faster using keyboard and monitor than they do with pen and paper, but I suppose I could fix that with more practice. And I suppose it's a little more authentic with all these scribbled out mistakes. Man, my penmanship has degraded rather markedly.

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Sep 18

Discomfort

I am forcing myself to write, because I don't want to right now… I feel like I've got to learn to do things I'm not comfortable with.

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Sep 27

Ideas

Been a while since I've actually written down stuff. I suppose everything is in full swing now—the book is begun, I've a better idea of what I want to do with my life, finals are in a couple of weeks. It's actually quite frightening—as if I never have enough time.

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Sep 27

Loneliness

Let's talk about loneliness. It is, after all, [redacted]'s birthday, two years since my debacle. I still love her, if you can call my mania love. But I don't know what the point of this is. I suppose I miss the idea of being loved, of being important, in a unique way, to one person alone.

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