I am forcing myself to write, because I don’t want to right now… I feel like I’ve got to learn to do things I’m not comfortable with.

This week I reached two conclusions which inspired me… unfortunately, the inspiration seems to have ebbed. It is because I’ve been hoping for things that should not matter, because I have no control of it. I should not hope for love. I realize that the things I hope for need to be more concrete. More attainable. But onto the ideas:

The reason why I don’t want to go to med school, I realize, is because [it feels like] everything that I think makes me unique would be irrelevant there. This assumes that what I consider unique to myself is true. But I don’t see too many places I can express my creative side. Not that I’ve been particularly creatively productive in my life, but I realize the creative principle is pretty strong in me. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it earlier… (Jeez, why am I rambling so much?) I don’t think it’s necessarily an artistic predilection, either. I could be an engineer or (gasp) a businessman. I want to make things. More importantly, I want to make things that have never been made before. I think this contrasts starkly with the practice (though I suppose not the science) of medicine. I think I need feedback on this idea.

Onto the second idea: I think I ought to write a statement of intent regarding my interests in both molecular biology and computer science. Maybe there’s a program somewhere out there. Time is running out, I realize. There are things I need to do.