Jan 2005
- Jan 1
- not feeling right
maybe it's just the fact that i've slept 2 hours, no more than 15 minutes contiguously, in the past 40 hours, but i keep getting this "squeaky" feeling in my head, kind of like the sound of metal scraping against metal. the hypochondriac in me keeps worrying about blowing a blood vessel in my brain, but i really don't feel good.
· Read more… - Jan 1
- reason
what is it like to have that sense of purpose, that burning force, that blessed fire, that animates your sinews? what is it like to desire, keeping you whole even against the shearing forces of adversity, the crushing weight of the universe, the downward pull of futility?
· Read more… - Jan 10
- silence
· Read more…brain gasps, grasps, futile struggle, gripping, fingers digging, crumble fall - Jan 12
- goodbye
My dog died two weeks ago.
· Read more… - Jan 15
- more to life
I feel really out of sync right now. I just don't feel right, and it's nothing I can explicate by blogging. I feel like I need to sit still upon it, bore holes into the issue, and figure out where I'm going wrong.
· Read more… - Jan 15
- she looks
· Read more…where did that come from, that look, like "yikes!" or "i don't know what's going to happen, but we'll find out soon enough," like lightning flash, freeze framing everything searing it into my retinas recognition like an elbow to the head where have i seen that before a hundred lifetimes ago perhaps this infinitely unraveling distance between us sending me spinning and twirling out into space no, not us, there is no us but this memory of a dream and the things that I've happened to pin upon your visage shimmering in my mind half-remembered things that never were striking true in some backhanded fashion - Jan 16
- last unicorn
Figures.
· Read more… - Jan 25
- masochism
On R's advice (as you can see, I am very suggestible), I headed up to the Central Coast and am hanging around Cambria and vicinity (which includes such places as Cayucos, San Simeon, Morro Bay, San Luis Obispo, Atascadero, Templeton, and Paso Robles, among others.) Mostly, I just want to stare at the sea. (There is clearly something very wrong with me.)
· Read more… - Jan 25
- how the story ends
So I finished reading through most of the e-mail I sent to N when we broke up. It's kind of funny to be reading just half the conversation and yet still getting the full emotional impact without knowing what the response was.
· Read more… - Jan 26
- executive dysfunction syndrome
it's bizarre how they pretty much have a name for everything, how it has become fashionable to call every little personality quirk a syndrome.
· Read more… - Jan 26
- Atascadero and back
I realized that I didn't have my charger for my phone (I swear I brought it with me) so I had to go and get one. This required me to go inland.
· Read more… - Jan 27
- time runs out
Currently Playing: The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou Original Soundtrack
· Read more… - Jan 31
- GNOME build order
This entry is obsolete. See GNOME 2.9.91 build order for updates.
· Read more… - Jan 31
- redesign
I got tired of the way my old site looked. I was never really happy with it, actually. So this is what I've been working on for the past week in fits and starts. The actual amount of time I worked on it probably adds up to no more than a couple of hours at most, but what took up most of the time was the setup. Which is what most rational people would call procrastination.
· Read more…