tags: hope
2001
April
- 2001 Apr 29
- The Flipside of Despair
Hope is nothing but the flipside of despair
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running on empty, still, something
burning like acid, chilling like frost
veins all tapped out, and yet you still bleed
you lie there all tingling
upon bloodstained sheets
no game left to play, the dice always come up snake-eyes
and still your eyes flutter open
with the kiss of the sunlight
September
- 2001 Sep 13
- 25
My mind is everywhere. I am trying to find hope. It’s there somewhere, I just have to keep believing.
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2003
May
- 2003 May 3
- The Unstuck Piece of Tape (Lysis of Adhesions)
The more things change…
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June
- 2003 Jun 12
- Despite It All, There Is Still Hope
Sure, I’m not dying, I just can’t think of anything better to do.
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2004
May
- 2004 May 30
- hope (or the lack thereof)
"Hope!?" X spluttered, anger and confusion mingled. "Don't tell me about hope!"
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2006
May
- 2006 May 25
- twisting paths
a vision as I stare into the western sky
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clouds looming up like a great wall
impenetrable marking the boundary between
the land—what must be
and
the sea—what is possible - 2006 May 27
- mine, and mine alone
In this tired hour
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of spent beer cans
and cigarette butts
the chewed ragged ends of
hoping for some sort of change
waiting for the winds
to turn aside the drifting course of the clouds
for the sun to shine forth
December
- 2006 Dec 13
- i should’ve known it right from the start
There is a good kind of tired, and a bad kind. The good kind lets you know that you had a good, full day, that you were productive, that you made fairly decent choices. The bad kind is like getting kicked in the face after you’ve already been shot a few hundred times. (I am thinking of the Jersey tollbooth scene in “The Godfather” with James Caan.)
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2007
March
- 2007 Mar 18
- and everything grows still before the tempest
Maybe things are not so still, though I wish it were so. I can feel Time swirling all around me, and I’m just trying to keep my head above the water, wanting to just stay still, but knowing that I’m going to keep moving whether I want to or not.
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May
- 2007 May 17
- crossing my fingers
The last time my sister graduated, I was seriously in love with S. While in the back of my head I suppose I always knew it wasn’t going to work, I had been doing a good job ignoring that particular fact. Naturally, when I got back to Chicago, everything went to hell, and I went into a patented downward spiral.
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August
- 2007 Aug 10
- hmmm…
<meta>Still playing with ecto right now. I can’t figure out the timestamps and it’s kind of driving me nuts. Whatever. I’ll let Mephisto figure it out. But ecto is starting to grow on me. I may very well be shelling out $17.95.</meta>
· Read more… - 2007 Aug 28
- clinical definition of blogorrhea? (damn Lord Byron)
I don't know why. I've been once again obsessed with the sad and sorry life of Severus Snape, and how he lost the only woman he loved, and how his life was effectively ended after she was murdered.
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September
- 2007 Sep 9
- hope springs eternal
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- 2007 Sep 23
- letting go
trust not to hope
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hope will have you believing in things
that have no hope of coming true
and despair is not the absence of hope
no, despair is hope so thin and frail and fragile
hope so deadly, so fell, so fraught with peril
a thread of hope so sharp, so razor-thin
cutting deeply, jaggedly, viciously
December
- 2007 Dec 22
- axial tilt
The words come bubbling up all of the sudden
· Read more… - 2007 Dec 29
- hope
I read Barack Obama's speech and felt like I had to post it (originally on Politico.com):
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2008
March
- 2008 Mar 4
- franklin delano roosevelt and barack hussein obama
This morning NPR's Renee Montagne interviewed Donald Ritchie, author of Electing FDR: The New Deal Campaign of 1932. He seems to implicitly, tacitly compare FDR to Obama, noting that when FDR was campaigning, he stuck to a message of optimism, without getting mired in the specifics. He also pointed out that in 1932, the choice seemed to be between FDR's message of hope and Herbert Hoover's message of fear.
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April
- 2008 Apr 18
- brain splat
What is going through my head?
· Read more… - 2008 Apr 25
- how i hate the night (reprise)
Now the world has gone to bed,
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Darkness won't engulf my head,
I can see by infrared,
How I hate the night.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
Try to count electric sheep,
Sweet dream wishes you can keep,
How I hate the night.
May
- 2008 May 20
- trust
Throwbacks stuck in the '80s seem to have a hard time accepting the Brave New World™ we find ourselves in. I'm not preaching some magical transformation of human nature. It's just that the game has changed. There's a transition under way, and we are slowly weaning ourselves from the past.
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June
- 2008 Jun 12
- 17 days
What does it really mean to be done? I've got 17 days of formal education left. I'm trying to be as optimistic as I've ever been about the future, but I'm just not an optimistic type of guy. I don't know. I'm more of a giddy cynic. A hopeful pessimist. The mantra of my profession seems to be "Hope for the best, but expect the worst."
· Read more… - 2008 Jun 28
- wall-e
No, I haven't watched it yet, so there aren't any spoilers. I just read the review in the L.A. Times from yesterday, and it seems like it would be very much my movie, the way, I suppose, I got obsessed with "Beauty and the Beast", even.
· Read more… - 2008 Jun 29
- happy ending
Even this late out into the game, I find myself still hoping for a reprieve from a life devoid of tender companionship, a life destined to loneliness and continued struggle.
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November
- 2008 Nov 11
- infinite regress
Hope is not always warm and fuzzy. Sometimes it is cold as ice, and harder than steel.
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The mood of my entire day has been driven by a nonsensical dream about an impossible situation. Even after all this time.
The mind understands that time cannot be undone. Somethings are out of your control. It wasn't chance. It was destiny.
Some of my darkest dreams relive the essence of this moment. I lie helpless as fate turns aside from me. It will never be.
It was not, is not, will never be, world without end. And yet the heart still yearns.
2011
November
- 2011 Nov 30
- where the hell did that come from?
So I'm driving home and all of the sudden my iPod starts playing "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac, and the lyrics just hit me:
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2014
June
- 2014 Jun 13
- dilemmas
I'm not really sure which is worse: the pangs of this impossible longing, or the emptiness of knowing there's really nothing left to hope for except the sweet release of death.
· Read more… - 2014 Jun 30
- prophecy
In the silent hours ere the waxing light
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I know I will meet her some day soon
and she will be with me
and I will not remember
what life was like before I met her
But that was just a dream
dissipating in the drear of the morning fog
and the light of day dawns
and I dare not hope
July
- 2014 Jul 1
- dreaming of morning dew on rose petals
April was the cruelest month
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long buried memories disinterred
like a knife wound to the chest
bittersweetness, chances unfulfilled
time lost to sorrow and despair
and yet there was no chance
time transforms chance to inevitability
all hope is lost
Yet I remain
August
- 2014 Aug 6
- pause
Thinking about the last three months, it's kind of crazy how much has happened to me.
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2015
January
- 2015 Jan 8
- I've been thinking about forever
I'm not going to say that there weren't a few rough patches or sleepless, existential-angst-fraught nights in 2014, but even then, I have to say, it might have very well been the best year of my life. Hopefully only so far. It's only a little more than a week in, but 2015 has started off well. Here's to hoping the rest of 2015 being just as good or even better! *makes hand gestures to ward away misfortune*
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