tags: fate
1999
August
- 1999 Aug 10
- As unto the Father
The days have just been zipping by, and before I forget, I thought I'd share why I made that random comment about the nature of Fate (also equivalent to the human brain's necessity to find meta-patterns)—obviously said phenomenon is highly variable among the poulation, but that's beside the point.
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2000
July
- 2000 Jul 9
- A Wonderful Fucking Day (The Conundrum of Living on a Razor's Edge)
Oh shit, can you tell I am having a wonderful fucking day?
· Read more… - 2000 Jul 12
- Gray Morning
It is interesting that N has adopted (independently [of me]) a fatalistic flip side to my theory: Nothing is real until it is shared. While I would emphasize the fragile
· Read more…transcience1 transience of creative thought and the need to commit things to paper if direct communication is not available, she would declare that bad things wouldn't happen if you didn't mention them. It isn't just a simple aversion to ill-speaking, but rather, like I said, a type of fatalismm: if you imagine a bad thing, and share it, it can't help but come true… - 2000 Jul 25
- Three Weeks Off
OK, I'm slacking. There's a lot of shit to do. I essentially have another three weeks off… I only really have class on Mondays and Tuesdays. I really have to force myself to write every day. If I had known… I would've really wanted to take a trip somewhere, but it's too late to get a cheap fare. I must write that e-mail to [redacted]. I don't know why I even bother. This is going to drive me insane.
· Read more… - 2000 Jul 26
- Resignation
I don't know why I didn't feel so bad today. Maybe I've resigned myself to my fate. Maybe e-mailing everybody and their mom let me vent a little. I mean, sure, I balked a little when I saw [redacted]'s e-mail sitting in my inbox. [I was] afraid. But [reading it] I didn't feel much, just a [light touch] of regret. I've no intention of returning to L.A. any time soon. As I've said, I've begun to equate it with happiness and [also] with being trapped.
· Read more… - 2000 Jul 29
- Fate
I got my ass outside, felt the air, hit the scene, accepted that I am in Chicago and this is my Fate. What is it that I want to do with my life, what would make me happy? I say that [I want] to be loved, but what does that mean?
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2001
August
- 2001 Aug 3
- Anno 3 in Exilio (An Acute Bout of Homesickness)
Where in the hell did this come from. Some random eruptions from the subconscious.
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November
- 2001 Nov 10
- Whelm
Neither under or over.
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2002
June
- 2002 Jun 26
- The Number of the Beast
Cause a 252 ain’t worth your soul, a 252 ain’t worth your soul, a 252 ain’t worth it.
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July
- 2002 Jul 2
- Singularity
More melodrama.
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2006
May
- 2006 May 25
- twisting paths
a vision as I stare into the western sky
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clouds looming up like a great wall
impenetrable marking the boundary between
the land—what must be
and
the sea—what is possible - 2006 May 28
- apologia for the art of not wanting
I understand I’s point about the Art of Not Wanting smacking of rationalization and sophistry, but I think there is some profound truthfullness to the Art. One, there is the fact that it is one of the central tenets of Buddhism—without desire, there is no suffering. Two, it also ungirds much of the philosophy of Taoism—desire can only lead to imbalance, but desire is unnecessary because all that you need has already been provided for. The Way is all you need. (I find it interesting that Jesus Christ sometimes refers to himself as the Way.)
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2007
May
- 2007 May 17
- crossing my fingers
The last time my sister graduated, I was seriously in love with S. While in the back of my head I suppose I always knew it wasn’t going to work, I had been doing a good job ignoring that particular fact. Naturally, when I got back to Chicago, everything went to hell, and I went into a patented downward spiral.
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June
- 2007 Jun 12
- the middle part
(inspired by a comment to a blog post by someone whom I’ve been blog-stalking on MySpace)
· Read more… - 2007 Jun 20
- little thoughts
This week is starting to really get to me. I only have to work for two more nights before I get a weekend.
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July
- 2007 Jul 9
- random epiphanies
Now I’m not one of those sad-sacks who comfort themselves with the idea that “everything happens for a reason.” Lots of things happen for no good reason. Irrationality rules the day most of the time, and if everything in the universe were really premeditated, then God would have to be a psychopath, no question.
· Read more… - 2007 Jul 10
- fear of success
Oddly, my horoscope gets it right:
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August
- 2007 Aug 28
- clinical definition of blogorrhea? (damn Lord Byron)
I don't know why. I've been once again obsessed with the sad and sorry life of Severus Snape, and how he lost the only woman he loved, and how his life was effectively ended after she was murdered.
· Read more… - 2007 Aug 29
- the third way
I learned a valuable lesson from a fallen priest back in high school. At the time, I didn't know his crimes, and the lesson loses no value because of them. (He was eventually accused and proven to have molested several children.)
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September
- 2007 Sep 9
- blast crater
I guess there is no recovering from this. Even 10 years out.
· Read more… - 2007 Sep 11
- doomed
Septembers have also been traditionally the month that I would start re-reading The Lord of the Rings. There is always something poignant about the ending of summer. It reminds me that it’s time to move on, and to fly towards the shadows of the unknown.
· Read more… - 2007 Sep 24
- hulogdahon (the heart of the matter)
So S (of whom I’ve written a few things here and there) got married on Saturday. Strangely, it didn’t seem like it had been all that long since she first hooked up with her now husband, but four years is a pretty long time.
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October
- 2007 Oct 16
- there and back again
So like the absent-minded fool that I am, I left my psychotropic medications in L.A. Because of the terrible, terrible withdrawal side effects, I was compelled to pick them up after finishing work.
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2008
October
- 2008 Oct 4
- fall
I seem to be running in this card a lot.
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2009
February
- 2009 Feb 28
- retrospect
In these silent moments, I wander my thoughts
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the wrack and ruin of the years gone by
the tumult and the despair
the small victories, the trifling triumphs
in all this havoc, I marvel at
how Time consumes possibility
like a ravening beast, it rends apart Chance
rasping the meat off its bones,
reveling in blood and spent breath
and inevitability is what it excretes
Fate is the spoor of Time
2010
April
- 2010 Apr 14
- life? don't talk to me about life
The other day I was eating by myself at a restaurant and happened to overhear a heart-to-heart conversation between (two people who I assumed to be) a father and his teenage son. The father had (something like) this to say:
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July
- 2010 Jul 21
- unspooling ariadne's golden thread
So "Inception" totally blew my mind. A lot of thoughts have been streaming through my head since, and the synchronicity of some of these thoughts have been kind of unnerving.
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2016
February
- 2016 Feb 5
- Rhyme Saves
Funny how a song can pull me back in time.
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