I got my ass outside, felt the air, hit the scene, accepted that I am in Chicago and this is my Fate. What is it that I want to do with my life, what would make me happy? I say that [I want] to be loved, but what does that mean?

Cut me some slack. It is after all 4 a.m. It’s a miracle [I’m] even semi-coherent.

What I want: …to be in a place where all my decisions are of my own will. To be able to say what I want, and to be able to attain what I want.

…

This is what I want at this moment, for good or for ill, and it does me no good to deny it.

I want to be able to relax and to enjoy sleep, enjoy being lazy, enjoy doing nothing. I am [just] learning [how to do this].

I must accept joy when it comes to me. I must stave off sorrow at all ocsts. Sorrow comes easily, joy is effervescent.

I have no reason to feel shitty about myself.

I have gotten where I am through a curious mixture of [predestination] and seat-of-my-pants decision making.

For the most part, I waws the one who made [this decision]. I was the one who accepted this opportunity. For it is [a great] opportunity. I must seize every opportunity and run with it.

But I will let [fate] guide me. I cannot approach [things] with preconceptions.

I will like it, or I will not. I have to be honest myself. I must challenge myself (without damaging myself.)

Above all, I must sleep when I need it, and stay awake when it’s necessary :)