tags: retrospective

Check it out. I haven't written in this journal for tow months. No better time but now. I'm thinking much too much again, but I suppose that is why I am writing: to rid myself (temporarily) of this madness. I guess I'm taking a mental shit….

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2001

January

2001 Jan 19

Retrospect

This entry is just completely random. Oh, and they aren’t kidding about weddings and funerals.

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August

2001 Aug 2

Chicagoland Redux

Escapades in the middle of nowhere.

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2003

January

2003 Jan 18

Two Weeks In

Again. Meh-moo-rreez….

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March

2003 Mar 30

Sunday Afternoon

Reflection. Oh my. My brain is not working.

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June

2003 Jun 17

Outbound on the Edens

Obvious rantings of a lunatic. All I’m learning is how to be crazy.

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2004

January

2004 Jan 4

chasing my tail

Random thoughts on this Feast of the Epiphany:

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2007

September

2007 Sep 30

the roots "complexity"

This song seems curiously apt with regards to the thoughts flowing through my head in the last 48 hours or so. This song actually reminds me of those days when the evil resident was raping my soul and somehow it ties everything together and closes the loop.

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November

2007 Nov 23

tired and weak but thankful

Is this just pure sleep deprivation? Is this dehydration? Am I just hungry? Or maybe this is the characteristic post-post-call torpor? Paranoid thoughts about the H5N1 virus flit briefly through my brain, but the probabilities are pretty slim.

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2008

January

2008 Jan 5

scrawling on the wall

…

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2011

June

2011 Jun 12

exactly the same in an entirely different way

Inspired by Facebook comments, I ended up reading through some of my old blog entries. A lot of it is in fact quite sad and pathetic, to the point where I started thinking to myself, "My God, the writer of this crap needs serious help!" (The part that isn't sad and pathetic is random and borderline incoherent, which leads me to the same conclusion.)

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December

2011 Dec 24

keeping the melancholy away with bright, bright lights

So I'm sitting here procrastinating over the millions of things I'm supposed to get done. Apparently I'm hosting my sister's birthday and my parents' anniversary party at my house on Tuesday, and the inside of my house still looks tore up, almost like I had left all the windows and doors open that day the winds blasted up to 80 mph. Basically boxes and papers all over the place. This is a direct consequence of the fact that I'm a single guy living in a three bedroom house, and I simply don't know how to sanely manage all this space.

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2012

January

2012 Jan 5

it's not real unless it's shared

This was always an article of faith for me: it might as well have never have happened if there isn't a story to tell. As I've spent several years of my life essentially alone, this has caused me to feel a significant portion of my life is unreal and perhaps even in vain.

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2014

November

2014 Nov 6

cleaning up a little

Deleted a bunch of spambot comments. It's interesting which posts they've been hammering.

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2014 Nov 20

it's always darkest before the dawn

Hyperbolically speaking, it does seem like things have a tendency to end up working out for me once I've lost all hope #LetItGo

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2014 Nov 23

rewind

It has been more than 14 years since I started writing down my thoughts and posting them. It has only really been in the last year or so that I've chanced to look back and trawl through the vast tracts of ephemera and melodrama. And it occurs to me that I only write here when I am sad and anguished. I rarely write when I am happy and joyful, or if I do, usually it's tempered by melancholy. So these blog posts provide a skewed picture. (Although I haven't really chronicled the grimmest moments, either.)

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December

2014 Dec 11

no rhymes, no rhythm

Trawling through my comment spam and finding some old poems

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2014 Dec 12

moments

It's been a while since I was this happy and content. I'm kind of afraid to jinx it.

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2015

January

2015 Jan 8

I've been thinking about forever

I'm not going to say that there weren't a few rough patches or sleepless, existential-angst-fraught nights in 2014, but even then, I have to say, it might have very well been the best year of my life. Hopefully only so far. It's only a little more than a week in, but 2015 has started off well. Here's to hoping the rest of 2015 being just as good or even better! *makes hand gestures to ward away misfortune*

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2015 Jan 21

dreamtimehop

Syncing Twitter with Timehop is the only way for me to reach really old Friendfeed entries now.

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February

2015 Feb 5

better than a time machine (reprise)

Driving through Old Town Pasadena, my iPod plays the first track of the album "Wish" by The Cure and suddenly it's the summer between my sophomore year and junior year in high school again, and I'm feeling nostalgic about all that existential angst.

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July

2015 Jul 24

Smiling Makes You Happy

So I was reading this old blog post that I wrote after being post-call on my internal medicine rotation during my M3 year in med school and I mention this study where they concluded that forcing yourself to smile can actually make you happy.

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August

2015 Aug 14

Trawling through Old Notebooks

I have finally started transcribing journal entries and poems that I have scrawled into random notebooks over the years. Some of these entries have required lots of editing and some of these entries I can't date precisely, but there's something that appeals to the hoarder in me to pile all of these scraps into a single heap.

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