Jan 2012

Jan 4

better than a time machine

I didn't want to threadjack, but it's crazy how a song will just take me back into the recesses of my memory (although the version that I have in my head is the inferior remake by INOJ¹.) It reminds me of the summer I went on an East Coast trip with my parents and siblings, from NYC to northern Virginia. It was definitely a time when the world was still rife with possibility, and I still remember hoping for something dear that never came to fruition.

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Jan 5

it's not real unless it's shared

This was always an article of faith for me: it might as well have never have happened if there isn't a story to tell. As I've spent several years of my life essentially alone, this has caused me to feel a significant portion of my life is unreal and perhaps even in vain.

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Jan 6

trying not to dwell, failing

I am trying not fixate on the fact that I totally pissed away my day off being angry, since that only makes me even more angry.

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Jan 7

inchoate rage

You ever been so pissed off that it exhausted you? Yeah. Just woke up from a rage-induced four hour nap. Still feeling kind of ragey. No, I don't want to talk about it. Yes, I'd like to punch something.

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Jan 24

love and duty

A lot of stories pit love against duty, making them completely antithetical to each other, because we live in a culture that says you should never do something you don't want to. But, just from observation, sometimes love truly arises from duty, and a sense of duty can be kindled by love, and eventually you can't tell which comes first, and which arises from the other.

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Jan 31

random thoughts while walking aimlessly through target

I don't really know where it comes from. I just know it's from somewhere external. I did not learn it. I was informed of it. Probably some sort of romantic—or even Romantic—garbage that I came across in high school, about how you can look into someone's soul just by looking into their eyes. How you can identify intelligence by recognizing a spark.

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