Oct 2013
- Oct 5
- the last days of sunlight
One day shall come a dawn where I do not see the sunset
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a summer after which I need not endure the autumn
my last memories will be of the hot breath of the Santa Ana winds
and the acrid reek of smoke from the raging wildfires
and bright sunlight without end.
Until we meet again, my friend. - Oct 5
- it's all bullshit
I could be coping better. This is not going well at all.
· Read more… - Oct 5
- life. don't talk to me about life.
I'm sitting here in the dark, totally drunk, recounting my failures and losses. There are a lot of places where it went totally wrong, but I find myself lingering on one of the milestones that I choose to remember. A. I loved you in my fashion. But that is neither here nor there.
· Read more… - Oct 6
- on-going
I am so tired but I can't sleep. Wonderful.
· Read more… - Oct 6
- who's going to watch you die
I think the worst part about watching death—even just the death of an ill-tempered and anxious dog who lived a long life of almost 15 years, who had deteriorated to the point where he couldn't even stand up to take a drink of water or even to move out of his own filth—is that you know for a fact it's going to happen again and again, unless you happen to go first.
· Read more… - Oct 6
- some say because it's over
When my cousin died all of the sudden without warning about seven years ago just after we started reconnecting, I listened to this song a lot.
· Read more… - Oct 8
- grief
I'm totally getting the auditory hallucination thing that I've read some pet owners get.
· Read more… - Oct 11
- silver linings
At least Angel doesn't have to be cold anymore.
· Read more… - Oct 11
- the kick
I dreamt Angel had gotten out through the gate somehow. I asked him "What are you doing out here? How did you get through the gate?" Then my brain went "Oh, I'm dreaming" and I immediately got booted out of that level of the dream.
· Read more… - Oct 21
- how i hate the night
I wonder how long it will take me to be able to go to sleep without second-guessing the decision to euthanize the family dog and without needing antihistamines and/or alcohol.
· Read more… - Oct 26
- feeling helpless in the midst of suffering and death
"If you don't have much soul left and you know it, you still got soul." — Charles Bukowski
· Read more… - Oct 31
- beginnings and endings
My sister picked up Angel in front of the Sav-On down the hill (long before CVS had bought it) when she was just a senior in high school. Some kid was selling puppies for $10. It must have been sometime after Halloween, and we always used Halloween as his birthday (although we never really knew.) We wondered if she had taken him too soon from his mother. He fit on the palm of my hand, and he wouldn't eat and we were certain he was going to die. But eventually he figured it out. For the longest time, he needed to be supervised, otherwise he wouldn't finish his food.
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