themes: other people's happiness
2001
January
- 2001 Jan 20
- Snowfields and Inspiration
How taking a drive gives me these completely random ideas
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February
- 2001 Feb 23
- Without Rhyme or Reason
Am I a moron or what? My life is like a diluted, bawlderized version of Louis-Ferdinand Céline’s. (My other role model is, megalomaniacally, José Rizal. Frighteningly, I would say Céline’s life is the cheerier of the two.) I would probably never make it as a writer, though. I can always seem to find a Cure song that precisely expresses my misery.
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December
- 2001 Dec 8
- insomnia
Deep, depressing thoughts at 4:30 a.m.
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2002
March
- 2002 Mar 23
- Acute Distress
Don’t give up? Please don’t patronize me.
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April
- 2002 Apr 1
- I Don't Want to Feel This Way Forever
OK I give up! Someone untie me!
· Read more… - 2002 Apr 27
- Equilibrium
The sense of impending doom returneth.
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May
- 2002 May 18
- but now what?
I know I was supposed to learn something from this, but I can’t for the life of me figure out exactly what.
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June
- 2002 Jun 11
- Blowing Chunks
Even more fear and loathing in Las Vegas.
· Read more… - 2002 Jun 24
- Tirade of the Broken Soul
I can’t do it. I’m trying, but I just feel like I’m slipping down the chute with every passing day.
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July
- 2002 Jul 2
- Singularity
More melodrama.
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October
- 2002 Oct 5
- Perseveration
Alone again on a Friday night.
· Read more… - 2002 Oct 27
- Altered Mental Status
You know who you are. If only I had the strength to pull the arrow out of my heart.
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2003
March
- 2003 Mar 16
- Assessment: Acute Confusional State - Resolved
You just told me he was the most horrible person you know. You’re getting back together with him. Makes perfect sense to me.
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June
- 2003 Jun 21
- Forfeit
There is just nothing left to say.
· Read more… - 2003 Jun 22
- Do the Right Thing
A rationalization.
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July
- 2003 Jul 22
- Coasting to a Stop
Instead of slamming the brakes into the ground. Nothing like the power of inertia.
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2005
February
- 2005 Feb 26
- ineptitude
He arrived at the club two hours late, hamstrung by his own scatter-mindedness, without any real hope that he would still find her there. But he headed out anyway into the night, amidst the teeming swarms of barhoppers and thrillseekers. There was a time when he would have revelled in the illicit goings-on of the night, the whoring and the drug-dealing, the generalized debauchery. But in this strange place, he only felt desolate, having been gone too long from this lifestyle.
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March
- 2005 Mar 3
- red shifting galaxies
I came home today all-of-the-sudden completely fried. I'm working in yet another different place, and once again went through the rigors of the First Day™ The day went surprisingly, swimmingly well (as they say.) But as soon as I got home, I crashed on the couch and curled up into a fetal position.
· Read more… - 2005 Mar 23
- lost and spent
Another day off pissed away. Not to mention a couple hundred flushed down a couple dollar slot machines.
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September
2008
May
- 2008 May 7
- bizarre stimuli
How did this all begin? That's probably too much to figure out in one night, particularly one where I'm at work. I'll just pick at a single thread in the tapestry. Eventually it'll all unravel.
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