tags: randomness
1999
August
- 1999 Aug 17
- Mutation and Evolution of Bitstreams
The process by which random noise gets incorporated into a message
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2000
November
- 2000 Nov 15
- Fight Club Quotes; Election Commentary; Poetry; Other Randomness
The title says it all
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2001
April
- 2001 Apr 18
- Accumulata
I really think I hate being happy. (“Life. Hate it or loathe it, you can’t ignore it.”) Some other random things that I must dump out of my brain before they contaminate everything.
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October
- 2001 Oct 19
- High Intensity White Noise (Flight of Ideas)
No I’m not crazy. Yet. God give me strength.
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2003
April
- 2003 Apr 12
- Instant Messaging Fun
Random madness between two strange individuals.
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2008
June
- 2008 Jun 1
- neglect
Ever since I got addicted to Twitter, I guess I haven't been blogging as often as I used to. There are just so many ways to express myself besides the long form of a blog post: Twitter, Facebook link posts, Google Reader shares with notes, del.icio.us. I am Web 2.0-ed out.
· Read more… - 2008 Jun 3
- mentally checked out
Man, my brain is currently occupying another dimension entirely.
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August
- 2008 Aug 5
- loneliness
Is it a bad sign that I have to keep reassuring myself that it's not going to kill me?
· Read more… - 2008 Aug 10
- charm (and my appalling lack thereof)
There is a woman whose name I don't even know for which I have this desperate, raw attraction to. I see her from time to time, as we occupy opposite ends of an extremely large social millieu, as friends of friends of friends of friends. I don't know what it is about her, but I find my eyes wandering toward her if I don't monitor myself, even as she's hanging on the arm of some guy. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I've never had an attraction like this before.
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December
- 2008 Dec 4
- more pointless lists of random thoughts
I am not feeling well. Not feeling well at all. Apparently my GI tract is on strike or something. I am not even factoring in the depression, as it is pretty standard for this time of year.
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2009
February
- 2009 Feb 19
- is there a word for that?
I've long suspected that I may have seasonal affective disorder. Despite living in Southern California, and despite the fact that currently, it's 75°F outside and sunny, the critical factor has always been the number of hours of sunlight. So my mood always ebbs when Standard Time comes by, reaching its nadir around the winter solstice, then picking up again when Daylight Saving Time starts up. Rainy days (like the last few) make things worse. Unseasonably warm and sunny days like today make things better, but don't fix things completely.
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March
- 2009 Mar 19
- fragment lacking antecedents
that which I thought the greatest thing
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this I had never lost
for I had never possessed it
it was never mine to begin with - 2009 Mar 20
- realization
I will never again want anything as keenly, never again be willing to hurt so deeply, and so never again know such happiness. I guess this is how you die slowly, a heartbeat, a breath at a time.
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April
- 2009 Apr 8
- only for a moment, then the moment's gone
I haven't been wanting to write lately. Partly because my attention span has been whittled away by my increasing participation in the phenomenon known as twitch media, exemplified by Twitter, Friendfeed, as well as the new Facebook. But also partly because I've been in a state of disordered transition for the past few months, haphazardly figuring out what I want to do with my life. I still don't really know, exactly, but I've at least decided which direction to go in this garden of forking paths.
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May
- 2009 May 17
- lost my train of thought
So that 5.0 earthquake in Lennox threw me off for a bit, and I'm just trying to reassemble my thoughts.
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June
- 2009 Jun 10
- apophenia, again
I suppose it's no accident that I ended up in the profession I'm in. From the beginning, my mind has been tuned to look for patterns. The finding of patterns is actually quite easy: everything has a pattern, every bit of data, every tiny stimulus can be fitted to a scheme. The big trick, the thing that they pay you big bucks for, is figuring which of these patterns actually match reality.
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December
- 2009 Dec 31
- fallow
Truth be told, I'm just trying to figure out something to write before this year and this decade come to a close. The last time I logged into this blog, it was still the height of summer, although fire season was at hand. It's easy to lose track of time in this land of no seasons. In Southern California, not very many leaves turn color in the fall, and the first snow falls only on the mountain tops.
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2010
January
- 2010 Jan 2
- new, again
I am trying to blog again. It used to be such an important thing for me. In past nine years, it has helped me crystallize a lot of my thoughts. It has helped me tease out a lot of recurrent themes in my life. It has made it easier to isolate a lot of my self-destructive behaviors and thoughts. (Whether or not it has actually helped me deal with them is another matter entirely, but, as they say, knowing is half the battle.)
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August
- 2010 Aug 7
- simple is forgetting. i simply can't forget.
It occurs to me how much less angst I would experience if I stopped imagining certain scenarios as "what if" and just accepted them as "never gonna happen". What is gone is gone.
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