Man, my brain is currently occupying another dimension entirely.

There are so many things that I want to talk about. Things that would be imprudent to actually blog. Because Google doesn’t forget. And in the rare instances that it does, archive.org, certainly doesn’t.

Things that would make no difference to blog about, since (1) there’s a large, finite probability that I’m misreading events completely and (2) because what can I really resolve talking to the uncaring ether? Hmm? And (3) I’ve been through this several times before, and it seems to always turn out the same way.

That said, I’m banking on Heraclitus being right about the whole river thing. (Come on, seventh time is the charm, right?)

What I do know is that I can’t keep doing this whole internal mental roller-coaster thing, triggered by nonsensical stimuli. It’s a symptom of immaturity, I know. Clearly, I’m not ready.

It’s easy to believe in my unreadiness. I kind of think that I’ll never really be ready. But you gotta jump anyway. That is the nature of side-scrolling platform video games, after all. Oh, and life, too.

In any case, no one ever died from ending up in the Friend Zone™. At least, not directly, anyway, but we won’t go there. That’s what happy pills are for.

I do know that I had a really weird dream yesterday morning. It involved being bombarded by these weird fractal diagrams of circles interconnected with tubes, infinitesimally repeating over and over again. I tried to draw an example in one of my notebooks (which I’ll have to scan in at some point) but there’s no way I can actually remember the patterns. All I know was that there was some important information in there. Like a message from God, or something. Maybe I just missed my pink laser-ray moment.

That said, I think I have started to grow just a little, emotionally speaking. I have come to understand the whole “tomorrow is another day” philosophy from “Gone with the Wind.” I think it might’ve been Einstein who said something about repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting to get different results basically defining insanity. But I’ve come to realize that the converse is true as well. Particularly in our chaotic world where none of us really understand the initial conditions. Meaning that it isn’t reasonable to expect the exact same outcome with the same behavior if you have no idea what the initial conditions are like.

Oh, history does like to repeat itself, but the names and the countries always change. Even the earth, the sun, the universe ages. They ain’t getting any younger. And like the weather, the initial conditions will fluctuate. Some days it will be favorable. Other days, not so much. As Douglas Adams describes it, even a single stray photon can have some pretty remarkable consequences. So I think I’m on sound scientific ground here.

Lately I’ve begun to realize that there’s no physical law that says that today is going to be just as miserable as yesterday. If all you ever expect is disaster, that’s all you’re ever going to get. You’re better off just shrugging your shoulders, and blindly picking through the ruins of probability, hoping for the best, and expecting the worst all at the same time. Bayes Theorem is only useful when you actually have reproducible data, and most of life is pretty damn irreproducible.

In other words, you just never know.

At least that’s what I tell myself when my spirits start to flag.

But I would like to talk about these things with my friends whom I’ve done a very bad job of staying in touch with. I kind of know who is going to tell me what, but it’s still worth going through the exercise.

I also know that I’m kind of crazy, so I’m certainly not looking for a reassurance of sanity.

Oh, how vague, how wondrously vague I am sometimes.