tags: foobar

2001

July

2001 Jul 30
The City that Doesn't Sleep and Other Ramblings

New York and a few random epiphanies.

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2001 Jul 30
Technical Difficulties

Why does this exist?

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2001 Jul 31
New York City — Episode VI

My sixth trip to New York City

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August

2001 Aug 2
Chicagoland Redux

Escapades in the middle of nowhere.

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2001 Aug 3
Anno 3 in Exilio (An Acute Bout of Homesickness)

Where in the hell did this come from. Some random eruptions from the subconscious.

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2001 Aug 3
What, Me Worry?

I can pull wild explanations and rationalizations out of my ass all day. I think they’re for the most part true as far as I can see, but I can understand how it all looks like bullshit in the end.

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2001 Aug 4
Thoughts About Ben Hur

Random movie pick. It was either this or Spartacus.

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2001 Aug 4
Beautiful Day

A day in Chicago.

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2001 Aug 8
Schroedinger's Limbic System

Perspective is hard to achieve if you’re hallucinating.

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2001 Aug 8
Lunacy

OK, so my mind isn’t quite back together yet, but I’m getting there. Really.

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2001 Aug 10
I Bleed Myself Dry

Life is a highway. I want to drive it all night long.

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2001 Aug 15
Metaphysics on a Gloomy Day

The fruits of meditation. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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2001 Aug 16
Where is Here?

Nothing is making much sense right now, and yet I’m still hoping for a specific outcome, no matter how far removed from reality it might be. This is where “What-If” leads you if you’re not careful, I suppose.

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2001 Aug 17
Gods and Heroes

Pondering. Relationships. Godhood. Loki. Chaos.

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2001 Aug 17
The Name of Things

Almost ought to count. Because what is “almost” here might just be “reality” somewhere-somewhen else.

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2001 Aug 18
Dreaming

Are you supposed to believe in dreams? Not wishes or hopes or aspirations or anything like that—these are things from the waking world. But actual dreams: the kaleidoscopic menagerie of images running around your subconscious, where disbelief is not only suspended, but quite possibly expelled and turned over to the authorities. Where everything is true, even when it isn’t or can’t possibly be. *sigh*

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2001 Aug 18
Eternal and Stateless (A Tale of Pepcid AC)

Which way to go? Some other random stuff.

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2001 Aug 19
Amnesiac

I’m a reasonable man, get off my case, get off my case, get off my case. Hahahahahaha!!!

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2001 Aug 19
Life and Limb for a Sausage McMuffin

I got better. The music helps.

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2001 Aug 20
3rd Person Pseudo-omniscient

More random fragments. Somedays I scare even myself.

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2001 Aug 22
Semi-Charmed Kind of Life

Random Chance strikes again. (In the end, I suppose it all evens out, and nothing changes. It sort of frightens me thinking about what sort of horrific situation I’d be in if I didn’t have this meager sort of luck.) If I had met him just a couple of years ago, I would’ve been a writer for sure, damn the consequences.

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2001 Aug 26
The Art of Not Wanting

Soul tripping from a tab of Tao and hit of Te.

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2001 Aug 30
Words Get in the Way

I keep forgetting what I want to do.

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2001 Aug 31
I Wish I Were in Glendale (A Case of Caffeine Withdrawal)

The word for the month: “unsustainable.” I won’t be home for at least another two months. How can I possibly survive without caffeine?

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September

2001 Sep 1
Septembers and LotR

Get up, get up—it’s the first of the month…. Memories. From the corner of my mind…. It’s time to read the trilogy again.

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2001 Sep 2
Wizard's School

Ursula K Le Guin. The Wizard of Earthsea. We are living in a postmodern world where everything has already been created, so everything is de facto derivative….

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2001 Sep 2
Freeciv

Study break: half an hour of Freeciv. Half an hour. Sure

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2001 Sep 4
Jedi Mind Tricks

Practicing brinksmanship with myself. (Thoughts of Doomsday Devices and running amok floating through my head.) Freedom is just another word for “nothing to lose.”

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2001 Sep 5
On the Edge of Ruin (How The Simpsons Made Me Cry)

I mutter about philosophy and spirituality while the chasm yawns beneath me.

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2001 Sep 8
Unsustainable

An eruption of brain farts. Nothing really interesting today.

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2001 Sep 10
Shape of My Heart

Dropping Bombs. Hit men haven’t gotten time for love anyway.

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2001 Sep 11
September 11, 2001

There are no words I can write. I try reaching down to find something that might give clear meaning, but all I can think of are the thousands of voices silenced forever.

2001 Sep 12
Choose Life

Do the right thing.

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2001 Sep 13
25

My mind is everywhere. I am trying to find hope. It’s there somewhere, I just have to keep believing.

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2001 Sep 15
Peace on Earth

Venting. Thank God for the sane people in this world.

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2001 Sep 15
The Post-WTC World

What will be written in the history books, I wonder?

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2001 Sep 17
Still Searching for Words

In reality, nothing ever fits right, and the words all come out wrong, but you’ve got to try anyway.

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2001 Sep 19
The Oath

Why I feel the way I feel, right or wrong.

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2001 Sep 22
The Last Day of Summer

The last day of summer always feels so cold.

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2001 Sep 27
Debacle

Self-pity at 4 a.m. Yes, I could’ve gone home, and none of this would’ve ever happened.

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2001 Sep 30
Last Days

More sophistry and philosophy. I guess I really am depressed. ECT, here I come.

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October

2001 Oct 1
First of the Month

The surest thing about luck is that it will change.

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2001 Oct 5
Some of My Best Friends are Women…

Let’s just say that it’s been a long week and circumstance has been rapidly draining me of any semblance of optimism. I know that things really don’t change just because you want them to, but it’s not the easiest thing to accept that this is the way things are supposed to be.

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2001 Oct 6
Like the Weather

Sunlight is my bestest friend.

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2001 Oct 7
Nowhere to Run

More Charles Bukowski. I’m running out of words.

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2001 Oct 10
Bits and Pieces

Totally random shit.

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2001 Oct 14
Contractions

Concentric circles. The space gets smaller and smaller, but it’s not bad if you can get used to it.

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2001 Oct 14
Follow that Link

It’s war, and I’m not entirely sure “normalcy” is what we should be seeking. For those who really believe in Freedom, it’s time to get moving.

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2001 Oct 16
And Justice for All?

What date will mark the beginning of the end, I wonder? Do I dare hope that Freedom will once more prevail, and that the Great Experiment will live on?

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2001 Oct 17
Last Night Radiohead Saved My Life (One Thing Leads to Another)

Sleep deprivation and a classic case of flight of ideas. Thank God for Thom Yorke and his merry men.

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2001 Oct 19
High Intensity White Noise (Flight of Ideas)

No I’m not crazy. Yet. God give me strength.

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2001 Oct 22
I Read the News Today, Oh Boy

TV really does rot your brain. Shouldn’t capitalism be subservient to democracy and not the other way around?

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2001 Oct 23
One to Go

To Infinity and Beyond! Get paid for lying in bed for thirty days straight.

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2001 Oct 24
Jack the Ripper

Johnny Depp, laudanum and absinthe, pathology and clinical neuroscience, Freemasonry. It’s got it all.

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2001 Oct 26
I Don't Want No One Minute Blog

I’m done. It’s snowing. I’m outta here.

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2001 Oct 31
Cutting at Oblique Angles (Doing Things the Hard Way)

I like to organize things, even memories, landfill style, one stratum at a time.

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November

2001 Nov 1
All Saints

Breasts. Testicles. Electroconvulsive therapy.

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2001 Nov 7
Roads

Journey to the Past.

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2001 Nov 8
Drama and Desperation

Can we say bipolar disorder? So high you can’t get over it. So low you can’t get under it. But I already knew what I needed to know. For some reason I just forgot. Added bonus: a little microbiology lesson.

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2001 Nov 10
Whelm

Neither under or over.

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2001 Nov 15
Brown Buffalo

¡Viva la Revolucion! Mabuhay ang Himagsikan! More and more, I’m believing that we’re fighting a common struggle that transcends race, religion, social class, or whatever axis you want to devise. Are you a cockroach or an exterminator? The conquered or the conqueror? In other words, are you for or against humanity?

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2001 Nov 19
Pandora's Box

A soap opera is brewing. (At least in my head.) Maybe I should just stick to my “Hear no evil, see no evil” policy.

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2001 Nov 21
Fragged and Shagged

Bits and pieces of me keep passing out.

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2001 Nov 24
Just Look At The Sky

With all this talk of drama and all, I have suddenly realized what I miss the most.

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2001 Nov 29
Is It Real?

Vague as usual. Where is my mind.

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December

2001 Dec 1
The Devil's Playground

Back to the art of not wanting. Oh, but how my heart aches.

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2001 Dec 3
My Random Self

More insane garbage spewing out of my mind. Anything to pass the time more quickly. I can’t wait to go home.

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2001 Dec 4
But Not Yet

Serious weirdness all around.

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2001 Dec 5
The Edge of Decision

Drive.

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2001 Dec 8
insomnia

Deep, depressing thoughts at 4:30 a.m.

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2001 Dec 11
Alanganin

Am I a failure? You can’t fail if you don’t try. (As Homer Simpson once said, “Trying is the first step to failure.”)

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2001 Dec 31
It's the End of the World as We Know It

Time marches on.

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2002

January

2002 Jan 5
New Year, Shnew Year

Stress can be a real killer. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!

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2002 Jan 6
Slide

For every punch in the gut you take, sometimes they give you a lollipop. Doesn’t do much for the pain, but hey, you take what you get, right?

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2002 Jan 9
An Excerpt from Dhalgren

Then sometimes you just have to appropriate a passage from someone else’s masterpiece because it all fits so well.

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2002 Jan 10
It Wasn't That the World Changed…

More thoughts about Dhalgren and the nature of synchronicity.

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2002 Jan 13
Break It Down Again

“Laziness” doesn’t seem quite descriptive enough. Neither does “atypical depression.” What the hell is this monkey sitting on my shoulder?

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2002 Jan 16
Addiction (For Love of a Stump)

Acrotomophiliacs. Are endorphins even more addicting than heroin?

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2002 Jan 16
Snowfall

Everything is a map to me. Snow makes me feel like I’ve been transported to another world.

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2002 Jan 19
Existential Crisis • Episode 6

A meditation. Thinking of things that should not be thought of at this particular hour.

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2002 Jan 23
What Day Is It?

Randomness percolating in my brain.

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2002 Jan 24
You Call This A Blog?

“Procrastination is like masturbation. It’s fun until you realize you’re only screwing yourself.”

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2002 Jan 25
Commando

Caveat: Zippers really chafe.

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2002 Jan 27
Med School Ruined My Life

My sense of normalcy has been completely destroyed.

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February

2002 Feb 5
Shoulda, Coulda

Existential crisis #7

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2002 Feb 6
Substance D

Dopamine and the nucleus accumbens.

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2002 Feb 7
Brain Worms (Existential Crisis #8)

This is just pitiful and pathetic.

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