tags: soul
2003
August
- 2003 Aug 16
- and then the morning comes
Talking about religion while inebriated. A loaded comparison between Roman Catholicism and Buddhism. The dangers of drunk-dialing.
· Read more… - 2003 Aug 17
- a definition of existentialism
The Camusian variant. Maybe not the most optimistic guy in the world.
· Read more… - 2003 Aug 18
- divine intervention
Procrastination is like masturbation. It’s a lot of fun until you realize you’re only screwing yourself. Someone needs to save me from myself. Seriously.
· Read more… - 2003 Aug 27
- running amok
I've been meaning to riff of off this blog entry about suicide. Maybe the timing is bad, considering that some guy just shot up six of his coworkers before offing himself [Chicago Tribune article][ABC News], but, as Michael Moore documents in "Bowling for Columbine", this sort of thing shouldn't be surprising.
· Read more… - 2003 Aug 28
- memes and the arrow of time
A meditation on the not-quite cyclic nature of time, and how both the linear and circular models of time may be correct simultaneously. Soundtrack: “Clocks” by Coldplay and “Time after Time” by Cyndi Lauper
· Read more… - 2003 Aug 30
- gun shy
I was robbed! Seriously!
· Read more… - 2003 Aug 31
- pathetique
Man, it sucks to be alone when you’re trying to stave off PTSD.
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September
- 2003 Sep 3
- sick in the head
Moments of triumph only remind me of how lonely I am. Great.
· Read more… - 2003 Sep 12
- 27 - Part I
Drunk blogging to “Piggy” by Nine Inch Nails on eternal repeat. One of these days, I hope to get through life better than just barely.
· Read more… - 2003 Sep 13
- 27 - Part II
After 25, it’s all down-hill. Still don’t know where I’m going to end up, though. The event horizon known as the big 3-0 looms ahead. And sometimes I get the feeling that all the important decisions have already been made. It’s just a matter of riding it all out.
· Read more… - 2003 Sep 14
- 27 – third time pays for all
Reminiscing on a night spent getting blasted out of my mind.
· Read more… - 2003 Sep 27
- i swear i'm not crazy
I don't know about this (see the second to the last paragraph.) I think that, over time, irrational behavior is increasingly irrational, and rational behavior becomes irrational. (Entropy always wins.) In the end, it's all meaningless chaos. Or as Douglas Adams put it (in my quite oblique interpretation of his quote):
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October
- 2003 Oct 8
- enneagram
I love personality tests.
· Read more… - 2003 Oct 12
- the fragility of life
As I lie here in a hotel room bed, watching my brother, my sister, and my sister's boyfriend sleep as the sun slowly creeps over the horizon, I am content.
· Read more… - 2003 Oct 23
- everything must change
Nothing ever stays the same.
· Read more… - 2003 Oct 26
- vigil
Again, what is it that I want?
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December
- 2003 Dec 23
- i'm not dying, i just can't think of anything else better to do
it's like i've been in a coma ever since i arrived in l.a. on saturday. it is now tuesday and i couldn't really tell you what i've been doing the past few days. excepting sleeping. i've been averaging about 16-18 hours of sleep these past few days. my dad is convinced that i have infectious mononucleosis. i do have swollen lymph nodes and unremitting malaise and fatigue. but no pharyngitis.
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2004
January
- 2004 Jan 4
- chasing my tail
Random thoughts on this Feast of the Epiphany:
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March
- 2004 Mar 1
- quirkyalone: why fight it?
When this meme came out, I tried to resist it for the longest time. For one thing, I automatically resist things that I perceive (rightly or wrongly) to be trendy. For another thing, I didn't quite want to give up. I wanted to believe that, deep down inside, I was just like other people, I just needed to figure a whole bunch of shit out, I just needed to break out of my shell, get over past betrayals, stop wishing for impossible things. That someday, I too would join the great chain of being, get a decent job, get married, have 2.5 kids, have grandkids, and on-and-on. What a lot of people like to call "normalcy," whatever that's supposed to mean.
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2005
January
- 2005 Jan 26
- executive dysfunction syndrome
it's bizarre how they pretty much have a name for everything, how it has become fashionable to call every little personality quirk a syndrome.
· Read more… - 2005 Jan 26
- Atascadero and back
I realized that I didn't have my charger for my phone (I swear I brought it with me) so I had to go and get one. This required me to go inland.
· Read more… - 2005 Jan 27
- time runs out
Currently Playing: The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou Original Soundtrack
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February
- 2005 Feb 6
- stress ulcers
it is 9:30pm, and I have to be awake again in 6½ hours, and I basically pissed away an entire weekend off.
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May
- 2005 May 27
- pause
I sunk into a depressive mood this afternoon. Maybe it's just adrenalitis or something. All of the sudden I was exhausted despite it not being a strenuous day at all. The stress of the past 11 months, especially of the last four, has finally caught up to me, and, frankly, I want nothing more than to pass out saturated by tequila catching some sunlight on the beach.
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September
- 2005 Sep 11
- catch up
a lot of crazy, fucked up shit has gone on in the past three months since I fell off the blogosphere (and, remarkably, none of them have anything to do with unrequited love, for once.)
· Read more… - 2005 Sep 13
- 29
Uugh. Hard drive crashes. Very sucky. My iBook lies on a Apple-certified repairer's workbench. The hard drive is actually no longer the problem, since I successfully tore open the plastic case, unscrewed 30-40 screws, popped off the aluminum shielding, took out the clattering 40 GB factory-installed hard drive, and popped in a fresh 100 GB 2.5" hard drive from (you guessed it) Fry's Electronics. The iBook actually works OK. The problem is that (1) I've managed to render the CD-RW non-functional and (2) the latch has snapped off, so that the laptop fails to close. I won't even mention the lack of audio. I had accidentally torn out the wires that connect to the built-in speakers. (I had also accidentally torn out the wires that connect to the power switch.) I managed to fix the power switch, but since I didn't want to go screwing around trying to figure out which wire was live and which wire was ground, I just remnants to the inside of the case and let it be. That's what external speakers are for, anyway.
· Read more… - 2005 Sep 23
- chi-town revisited
so to be honest, I decided to come out here because of a girl. now M can't say I've never come out to visit.
· Read more… - 2005 Sep 27
- nyc — revisiting the big city (continued)
In some ways, Gotham has been on my consciousness for a slightly longer time than the Windy City has. The first time I came out here was in January 1993, and from what I remember, it was not yet fully Giulianified. Me and others from my high school were only there for a night, I think, on an East Coast college tour. I remember being cold, staying in a place infested with roaches, with holes in the walls where some guy on probably PCP decided to take out his aggression on the building. Ah, those were the days.
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October
- 2005 Oct 12
- voiceless
so it seems that I have lost my voice. I woke up this morning and didn't realize that I didn't have one until I went to buy coffee. Huh. I guess that's what is unique about living alone (this is the first time I've ever done it) I can go for nearly three hours without having to utter a word to anyone. Even in the household where I hated one of my roommates, this wasn't really possible.
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November
- 2005 Nov 10
- 525,600 minutes
The heart may freeze or it can burn
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The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment as my last
2006
February
- 2006 Feb 17
- interim
I don't understand it. My brain is, I think, locking up on me. Or I'm just getting old or something. It's terrible.
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June
- 2006 Jun 8
- the quest for water
I have developed the habit of coming home from work and making a beeline to my bed. I seem to be running out of gas much too early these days.
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2008
January
- 2008 Jan 2
- time: out of sync, in a daze
I don't really believe that it's 2008. The number looks ludicrous. I'm disappointed that we don't have regular shuttle service to Mars and Europa. That alien species haven't tried to contact us. That we don't have flying cars.
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