I sunk into a depressive mood this afternoon. Maybe it’s just adrenalitis or something. All of the sudden I was exhausted despite it not being a strenuous day at all. The stress of the past 11 months, especially of the last four, has finally caught up to me, and, frankly, I want nothing more than to pass out saturated by tequila catching some sunlight on the beach.

I had a bizarre epiphany while listening to my iPod as I drove home from work: I am probably going to die John the Baptist-style (figuratively speaking) with my head on a silver platter.

(Yes my mind is truly arcane. I have long equated dying like John the Baptist with dying lonely and insane.)

The Playlist of the Damned:

1. Green Day and Oasis mixed by Vin Vicious “Wonderwall of Broken Drams”
2. Sarah McLachlan “World on Fire (Marius De Vries Mix)”
3. Norah Jones “Shoot the Moon”
4. Ben Folds Five “Don’t Change Your Plans for Me”

I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known

Don’t know where it goes

But it’s home to me and I walk alone

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

And all the roads that lead to you were winding

And all the lights that light the way are blinding

There are many things that I would like to say to you

but I don’t know how

And maybe

You’re gonna be the one that saves me…

The world’s on fire and

It’s more than I can handle

I’ll tap into the water

(I try to pull my ship)

I try to bring more

More than I can handle

(Bring it to the table)

Bring what I am able

I watch the heavens and I find a calling

Something I can do to change this moment

Stay close to me while the sky is falling

Don’t wanna be left alone, don’t wanna be alone

The summer days are gone too soon

You shoot the moon

And miss completely

And now you’re left to face the gloom

Will you think of times you’ve told me

That you knew the reason?

Why we had to each be lonely

It was just the season

Sometimes I get the feeling

that I won’t be on this planet for very long

I really like it here

I’m quite attached to it; I hope I’m wrong

All I really want to say

You’re the reason I want to stay

But destiny is calling

And I told them when my time is up

I’m out of here

No dying in my sleep for me. No one to mourn my burnt up corpse, neither.

Why do I dwell on these things?

That’s all there is, there ain’t no mo’