tags: seasonal affective disorder
2000
December
- 2000 Dec 31
- Sadness
I am sad, sad, sad, and maybe it's the SAD bearing down on me, or maybe it's the ending of a year without much to show for it. I feel like I've been preparing to go down the Road forever, too afraid to take that first step, and when I finally [do it], I keep running back home, even though home doesn't [really] exist now, it's something I have to build, but the amount of work required is daunting.
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2001
January
- 2001 Jan 26
- Technochaos
“What is real?” asked Morpheus. A quick endocrinology snippet. (Learn something really nerdy and impress your friends.)
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February
- 2001 Feb 1
- Sunlight
It's really just the sunlight, isn't it? I really should get evaluated. I have to learn how to plan things better, too. Maybe I'll get a [PDA] after all?
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2003
January
- 2003 Jan 9
- Long December
…and there’s reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last.
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2006
December
- 2006 Dec 23
- simplicity
I think, I hope, that it’s just the darkness that’s killing me. About an hour after the sun went down, I had to put my head down. I don’t know what I want to do. I can’t deal with all this free, empty time. I can’t even think crazy thoughts any more. I’m just…spent. I don’t know how else to put it.
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2007
December
- 2007 Dec 9
- always struggling with inertia
Am I growing set in my ways? Or is it just that I really hate this time of year, and the night feels like a smothering weight crushing me into the ground?
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2008
January
- 2008 Jan 2
- time: out of sync, in a daze
I don't really believe that it's 2008. The number looks ludicrous. I'm disappointed that we don't have regular shuttle service to Mars and Europa. That alien species haven't tried to contact us. That we don't have flying cars.
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2009
February
- 2009 Feb 19
- is there a word for that?
I've long suspected that I may have seasonal affective disorder. Despite living in Southern California, and despite the fact that currently, it's 75°F outside and sunny, the critical factor has always been the number of hours of sunlight. So my mood always ebbs when Standard Time comes by, reaching its nadir around the winter solstice, then picking up again when Daylight Saving Time starts up. Rainy days (like the last few) make things worse. Unseasonably warm and sunny days like today make things better, but don't fix things completely.
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