I am sad, sad, sad, and maybe it’s the SAD bearing down on me, or maybe it’s the ending of a year without much to show for it. I feel like I’ve been preparing to go down the Road forever, too afraid to take that first step, and when I finally [do it], I keep running back home, even though home doesn’t [really] exist now, it’s something I have to build, but the amount of work required is daunting.

I’m just feeling that I’ve lost far more than I’ve gained, traded something I know for some future that I might never have a chance to cash-in [on]. I am hemorrhaging hope. Tired, tired.

I do not know why I am afraid of this, why I cannot just spill out my grief once and for all. Always, there are excuses.