tags: emptiness

2000

July

2000 Jul 9
After the Binge

So it's like the morning after the binge, and all that you can really do is puke it all up, hoping with each puke that it'll be the last, you'll feel better, the deadly poison gone. But you've been drunk often enough, you know it doesn't stop, not even when you're all empty. It only diminishes, like a knife blunting with every true strike, until you force yourself to hold something down, damn the pain. And still you're empty, unsettled, disturbed mentally and physically, wanting to die just as much, if not more than when you drunk yourself into a stupor in the first place, worse because the woozy carefree oblivion is now just a wracking throb, and why, oh why, is it so goddamn pointless?

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2007

September

2007 Sep 4
faith (and the lack thereof)

When was the last time anyone believed in you?
Outside of the trappings of your profession
without the aegis of your Oath?

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2007 Sep 4
even starlight fades

the fragrance of her hair haunts me
the way her eyes sparkle when she smiles
the sound of her laughter
the curve of her face
the quiet grace of her every move

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2008

January

2008 Jan 2
time: out of sync, in a daze

I don't really believe that it's 2008. The number looks ludicrous. I'm disappointed that we don't have regular shuttle service to Mars and Europa. That alien species haven't tried to contact us. That we don't have flying cars.

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December

2008 Dec 5
illusive elusion

the days fall like dry, dead leaves
even in this land of no seasons
time winds its way
the signs of the zodiac
do their slow, courtly dance
through the heavens

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2010

February

2010 Feb 1
to be and not to be

This is the first chapter of the Tao Te Ching I ever read, and it totally blew my mind.

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2014

June

2014 Jun 13
dilemmas

I'm not really sure which is worse: the pangs of this impossible longing, or the emptiness of knowing there's really nothing left to hope for except the sweet release of death.

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