mahiwaga

I guess I need to start entertaining the possibility that I may very well be going insane.

I can’t say that I’ve never experienced this before, although the moments are few and far between. I can’t exactly pinpoint the last time I’ve actually felt like this.

What seems to be happening is that I am fluctuating between complete and utter desolation and totally bewildering mania.

One moment I just want to lie in bed until I rot. The next moment I’m pacing my room like a psychopath, with all sorts of crazy thoughts swirling through my addled brain.

Fun times.

I stumbled upon this book entitled Cultivating Stillness in the Eastern Religions section of Borders and immediately felt peace descend upon me before I even opened it up. It is a Taoist text, but with a little more mysticism about it.

I don’t know if it’s because I’ve managed to imbibe some of the tenets of Taoism, and perhaps the principles are somewhere embedded in my mind amidst the tumult and chaos. It felt like all the little niggling doubts dancing around my brain were suddenly put into perspective. Sure, they’re still there, but it’s like the volume was muted a little bit.

But back to the chaos, at least for a little while: I need to remind myself to be careful about trying to read in between the lines. I’m apt to find something there that isn’t actually there, which is certain to drag me into a vortex.

As they say, you can’t put the shit back into the horse.

My brain is on fire.

There is violence in my soul.