mahiwaga

Unexpected, I awake
her, warm and close, asleep
a dream, I know
nothing more

The older sister I never had

and yet incestous thoughts stir in my heart
like a fluttering bird in its cage
hoping against all hope

I would never say it
though her smile would thaw my heart
I could never say it
She is wisdom and virtue and hope
and what do I know
how could I even come close?

A memory of her laying her head upon my shoulder
and me wanting to wrap my arm around her and hold her close
and never daring
my heart filled to bursting

Knowing it has to end
I awake
cold and alone
not even daring to hold on
as my memories are devoured by time

I had a most unexpected dream last night, about someone I haven’t thought about in quite some time. (And believe me, even if you do know me, it’s not anyone you would expect.) I wonder where she is now, and what she’s doing. Ah well. I suppose it happened because I have been reading “Solaris” by Stanislaw Lem (yes, the book that is the basis for that movie that George Clooney is in.) Sorry for the spoilers that follow, but, well, too bad. All of this is pretty much on the book’s back cover anyway, and in the movie trailer too. Anyway, essentially, the main character finds himself reunited with his long dead wife in a space station. So there. Not that I was ever married to this woman I dreamt of. But, well, anyway.

At the insistence of Ben, I have revisited 2001, musically speaking. After we graduated from college in 1998, me and my friends started this tradition of creating personal CDs that reflected how our year went. The last time that all of us actually did this was in 2000, but I suppose the attempt should at least be made.

Without further ado. Explanation will be made available when I feel like it.

1. “Yellow” • Coldplay • Missed opportunities. L.A., S.F., Chicago. RIP DNA. Feb 14, May 16, Sep 22.

1. “Airbag” • Radiohead • I’m back to save the universe. Ah, stale Oreos. Oct 17.

1. “The Last Day of Summer” • The Cure • To wound the autumnal city. Sep 11, Sep 22, Jan 9 (‘02), Jan 10 (‘02).
   tagged: grace, beloved

1. “Never Had A Dream Come True” • S Club 7 • It’s painfully obvious, isn’t it? Fate goes where it will. Feb 25.
   tagged: beloved

1. “It Is You (I Have Loved)” • Dana Glover • Almost. Not every ogre finds someone to love. Jul 31, Jan 5 (‘02).
   tagged: marikit payapa

1. “You Take My Breath Away (Lange Mix)” • Surreal • Ah, the wastelands of the Midwest. The beauty of beer and cigarettes. Flamin’ Red Hot Cheetos and Diet Coke, the Breakfast of Champions. Aug 2.

1. “Clint Eastwood” • Gorrilaz • All I need is sunshine, and I might just conquer the world!!! Dec 5 (‘00), Jan 26, Oct 14, Nov 15

1. “Lucha de Gigantes” • Nacha Pop • I am always leaving the ones I care about behind. Jul 31, Sep 22
   tagged: marikit payapa

2. “Hanging by a Moment” • Lifehouse • There is no time like now. Jul 31, Aug 2, Aug 4

1. “Island in the Sun” • Weezer • Hip-hip! Aug 2.
   tagged: marikit payapa

2. “I’m Real” • J-Lo • On the 6. Aug 4

3. “H.O.V.A. (H to the IzzO)(Remix)” • Jay-Z featuring Snoop Dogg • Miami. Oct 31, Nov 7.
   tagged: grace

1. “You Can’t Deny It” • Fabulous featuring Nate Dogg • Of Libras, misunderstandings and miscommunications, and one crazy night in November. Nov 21.

1. “My Love Goes Deeper” • Nelly Furtado • San Diego. Oct 24.

1. “Damaged (Cage Remix)” • Plummet • Alone in the dark winter of the city.

2. “When I Look at the World” • U2 • Backwards and Forwards. I should’ve known better, really, and still I regret. Feb 14, Feb 23.
   tagged: rhyme

1. “By Your Side (Ben Watt Remix)” • Sade • I know Aimee put this on her 2000 CD, but here comes the remix.
   tagged: beloved