tags: utang na loob
2000
July
- 2000 Jul 23
- In Transit
I can only survive in between. I tell you, it'll be a miracle if I wake up happy tomorrow morning. I really don't want to deal with this shit right now, but I made a promise, and I don't want to try to force myself to go to sleep.
· Read more… - 2000 Jul 25
- Three Weeks Off
OK, I'm slacking. There's a lot of shit to do. I essentially have another three weeks off… I only really have class on Mondays and Tuesdays. I really have to force myself to write every day. If I had known… I would've really wanted to take a trip somewhere, but it's too late to get a cheap fare. I must write that e-mail to [redacted]. I don't know why I even bother. This is going to drive me insane.
· Read more… - 2000 Jul 26
- Resignation
I don't know why I didn't feel so bad today. Maybe I've resigned myself to my fate. Maybe e-mailing everybody and their mom let me vent a little. I mean, sure, I balked a little when I saw [redacted]'s e-mail sitting in my inbox. [I was] afraid. But [reading it] I didn't feel much, just a [light touch] of regret. I've no intention of returning to L.A. any time soon. As I've said, I've begun to equate it with happiness and [also] with being trapped.
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August
- 2000 Aug 9
- Eldest Child
So I dreamt about going ice skating with N last night. Or this morning, seeing as I didn't go to sleep until 5 a.m. There are too many [sane-appearing, completely insane] people here. My madness had no outlet.
· Read more… - 2000 Aug 22
- Weird Shit Floating around in My Mind
I've got to do better than this, at least fifteen minutes a day, maybe.
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2007
July
- 2007 Jul 25
- Burdens
The though was "betrayal"
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or maybe it was "onus"
The unpayable debt, the blood price
(And if I paid it, would I be free?)
My memories are of Atlas lifting the world on
his shoulders
Sisyphus rolling up the Stone.
The karyatid crushed beneath the load…