To a woman whom I failed to communicate how I feel about

Blowout

That last post was actually quite painful. Who knew that sifting through six years of blog posts could evoke such bathos?

why this dream now,
disinterring the past
I thought I had buried it deep
buried it well

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Last night I dreamt that someone confessed her feelings for me—not that it mattered even in my dream, since she was married and had kids. And she kissed me, leaving me literally floored. It was too late, much too much too late, but to know that all my heartache, all my suffering had not been completely in vain was something of a comfort to me. Even though nothing could change, that bit of knowledge consoled me.

Is the relationship between Processing and Java the exact relationship between Logo and Lisp?

I mutter about philosophy and spirituality while the chasm yawns beneath me.

I dreamt that my sister was getting married, and I couldn't decide what I wanted to wear. The time was running out (the ever ticking clock is a recurring theme in my dreams, and maybe even my life…) and I kept looking in the closet for a tie that I didn't own, and I couldn't get my shirt and my pants to match—I think they may have been changing colors without me realizing it. Then my mom started hassling me about running out of time, and all these depressing thoughts started to fill my head, and I got pissed off and yelled at my mom. And despite the fact that the wedding was within hours, we ended up going to Lake Elizabeth to pick up my aunt and godfather, and it didn't look like we'd make it to the wedding on time. And I remember my last conscious thought before waking up was: "Why can I never make it anywhere on time?"