tortured?
you’re damned right my soul is tortured
twisted and wracked beyond even my darkest imaginings
fraught with pain and blood and death (though it is the vomit, the piss, and the shit that gets to me the most
and worse yet, the stench of bacteria feeding on still-live flesh
I have nightmares about resistant Staph aureus and Pseudomonas more than any of my other fears combined)

I first heard this song one fevered night that I was driving to L.A. the long way around, up I-15, somewhere between Escondido and Temecula. Mix Master Mike was DJ’ing Spin Psycle.

the fragrance of her hair haunts me
the way her eyes sparkle when she smiles
the sound of her laughter
the curve of her face
the quiet grace of her every move

“will you come with me?”
and she would say “yes”
just that
and I would know

every thought is second-guessed
every impulse examined
every sliver of hope is processed
every emotion filtered

When was the last time anyone believed in you?
Outside of the trappings of your profession
without the aegis of your Oath?

To be loved, you must love…
But those who have so little, the ones who need it the most…
are the least likely to give it…

Can you still be human when you’ve purposefully amputated your capacity to love? When you’ve decided to never feel another goddamn thing again, and there is nothing in your heart but dark emptiness?

I haven’t been this affected by the death of a character ever since Gandalf fell into the abyss in Moria.

On panspermia and ancient aliens (at least in science fiction.)

The expected high temperature today is supposedly 90°F but the humidity is up to 60% and I’m already going out of my mind. It’s time to find a place with A/C to hang out.

The idea was that I was actually going to sleep early today, but somehow that failed to happen. I’m going to try yet again to wake up in time for work, although I’m not all that hopeful.

The thing that I’ve been mulling over is the fact that there have been so many Septembers in the past where I’ve been ever hopeful, with the intent of making a change in my life. And while I know it would be hard to convince many of you, there have been times that I’ve actually acted upon this impulse, only to be rebuffed, or even worse, only to be faced with puzzled indifference.

I stopped to think about all the people I know who are married or are in fulfilling romantic relationships, and I realize that I’m jealous, but what are you gonna do. If it’s not going to happen, it’s not going to happen, and I’ll slog on by my lonesome, trying to keep fighting the good fight.

September and the end of summer. Taking a moment to look ahead.

Google is omnipresent, and rapidly becoming omniscient. And nothing will be the same.

Practicing brinksmanship with myself. (Thoughts of Doomsday Devices and running amok floating through my head.) Freedom is just another word for “nothing to lose.”

Well, isn't it always like this?