mahiwaga

Driving from work. Nothing as wearying as watching the sunrise, as you’re pining for your own bed.

This song somehow captured the slow, uncertain thawing of my heart over the past few weeks. The sound of trickling water as the spring time sun rises over head. Already, I am older, the minutes and hours wearing me down imperceptibly, until entire years sit upon my shoulders. It is only that distant horizon that reminds me that even the earth is finite.

I toy with the idea of somehow capturing this perfect moment in crystal, as the gentle dawn streams upon my bloodshot eyes, and I remember with regret that you can’t stop the clock, already it’s ancient history, and whatever I say or do will be an imperfect reminder.

A year from now, will I understand what it is that I have written here? Will the feelings that I have coursing through my veins have faded into nothingness by then, the song of a desert stream turned to silent dust?

II

On this world, because we overvalue beauty, there is ugliness
Because we think we can judge what is good, there is evil

matter and anti-matter arise together,
what is hard and what is easy depends on experience
what is long and what is short depends on your velocity
what is high and what is low depends where on the potential energy curve you lie
a note played on an instrument can harmonize with the human voice
before and after depend on your position in space-time

So the wise make things happen without doing anything,
and they teach by showing, and not telling

Every particle is a wave and neither matter nor energy can be created nor destroyed—
So create, but do not bind your creation to you
Toil without expecting thanks
Concentrate your effort in the moment, and never keep score—
when you let go of everything, you can appreciate how the universe is eternal

Both Bram and R have given me this advice at various times in my life, in their own words. I still haven’t figured out how to put it into action, though.