mistake. really.
so what this allows is drunken blogging. Perfect.
quote of the evening: “no reenactments of ‘Deliverance’?”
stupidity
car blogging? Unwise. Probably dangerous.
that girl
something like home. I am so lost.
shapes
In my dreams, evil is always man-shaped
the cockroaches and the worms
fill me with loathing
but they do not fill me with despair
hatred
disgust
they do not kindle my heart to murder
the shape is my shadow
I am what I despise
The shape of home has always been
wrapped up in the arms of my beloved
some long ago forgotten place
lost in the heaped-up jumble of my rotting soul
my decaying mind
desolation
I only guess that time eats space
and even home can disappear
be destroyed
be erased
and again I’m chasing shadows
chased by shadows
treading over ground swallowed up
overridden
overwritten
disappeared
Home, this vast shape residing in the confines of my memory
this lingering touch
lost in the fragrance of her hair
I am dreaming again
of what will never be
of time past, time lost
dreams trod upon
torn asunder
tattered and misshapen
I looked askance
something hopelessly forgotten
the distant feeling of a memory obscured communication garbled
out of sync
I am remembering something
that I could not have known
the contours of her face
the brilliance of her smile
her smile, awakening something like laughter
turns me inside out
her smile, what else could I wish for?
like sunlight
on a May morning glinting across the silvery sea
Did I hold her for a scant moment?
a fraction of a second
a thin slice of time
in these interstices, and forgotten moments
I am home
then forever exiled
Do we not live in these fractionated moments?
The fraying milliseconds
kept in rhythm by the drumbeat of bouncing photons
Is this not the half-life of happiness?
To peak, then decay
keener than sharpened steel
heavier than granite
then gone like a puff of smoke
The emptiness is what gives shape
The absence reminds us of presence
My longing for you
as you turn away
is all that there is
all that there will be
and the silence thereafter
will follow me to the ends of the earth
knowing that you are not there
that home is nowhere
that I am alone