It’s amazing how fast time goes. It just occurred to me that we’re fast approaching the end of the decade, what with it soon being 2007 and all. Not quite how Stanley Kubrick or I imagined it. (Where are the flying cars, huh? Or the shuttle flights to Jupiter, hmm?) But then again, I never imagined anything like the Internet, or Google, or the ubiquity of cell phones. Certainly nothing like the iPod, or Wi-fi, or even the PS2.

Was it just hanging out with my family? Seeing my oldest friend? I don’t know what it is that decompressed my soul lately. I remember being all tense and aggravated and doubting myself before Christmas, and that all seemed to have melted away. Maybe it just took me a week to recover from my last month at work, where I was working 80 hours a week. I guess that can kick the shit out of anyone.

What definitely kickstarted my imagination was Final Fantasy XII, which my brother is currently playing on the PS2. (No plans on getting the PS3. That seems overhyped and overpriced.) This is the first game in the series that actually revisits one of their imagined worlds. (The land of Ivalice figures in Final Fantasy Tactics as well) Just comparing it to Final Fantasy VII (the first Final Fantasy on the original PS1), the improvement in graphics and gameplay is staggering. This game series brings back a lot of memories shared between me, my brother, and even my sister. Final Fantasy VI was the last game on the Super Nintendo and reminds me of one Christmas break at home during my time in college. We played Final Fantasy IV the summer before I actually started college. And the one that started it all, Final Fantasy I, was actually on the original 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System, back when we were still all at our local parochial school.

I don’t know why, but FFXII makes me think of the imaginary world I’ve spent the last 18 years creating. I used to always spend the last few hours of New Year’s Eve trying to stay awake by redrawing one of my multitude of maps, further refining it, and creating the back story. It’s probably about time I came back to the world of Darunaig. I still lack the inspiration to actually set a story in this world, but I guess I just need to wait, and let it come to me. Eventually.

But right now, I’m listening to mp3s. Me and my friends from college used to have this tradition of creating playlists for the year, and giving copies of our compilations to each other. I think the last time we all did this was maybe five years ago or so. I actually do have playlists for all the intervening years, I just haven’t had the will to actually burn them to CD. I’ve always used music to keep track of time. Songs will frequently evoke vivid memories of events that occurred when the song first came out, or at least, when I first heard the song.

I’ve also been thinking about how I am bizarrely brain-damaged, what with this executive dysfunction syndrome. I really can’t seem to properly prioritize things, or plan things more complex than two or three steps. It’s really amazing how far I’ve managed to get in life with these issues. It’s a wonder I wasn’t maimed or killed during my childhood, really.

One of the other symptoms of this syndrome is the inability to keep track of time. Now that I think about it, I kind of wonder if normal people can accurately estimate how much time has gone by? For me, it’s a struggle to tell the difference between 5 minutes going by, and 30 minutes going by. I’m frequently always running late, always running out of time. I now kind of wonder if I haven’t just adapted to my shortcomings. If I can manage, I try to get to things early, and I often end up getting to things ridiculously early. And I seem to have survived test taking by learning how to do them quickly, which has been facilitated by learning how to read really quickly. In all other things, I definitely have problems with pacing. Either I go too fast, or I go too slow. I can never get it just right. (Heh, my own version of the Goldilocks problem.)

So I wonder if my obsession with music is simply another adaptive mechanism to overcome my weaknesses. I’m really not that good of an auditory learner. I learn mostly through text and especially pictures, most especially abstract diagrams. Layout and structure is really important for me. But I digress. Anyway, since music is something that occurs through time, it pretty much acts as my external clock. I know that the average song lasts a little less than five minutes, so I figure about six songs makes it about half an hour. Twelve songs to an hour. Music seems to keep me on better track than just looking at the clock. It’s really amazing how the hours can suddenly melt away if I’m not careful.

In any case, there are only four days left in this year. I feel like I never really got used to 2006. This is the first time where I’ve felt like the year was ending too quickly—typically, I’m not a big fan of December, mostly because of the diminished number of daylight hours, in addition to the frequently inclement weather, and now that the holidays seem to have lost their shine for me, I would think I would dislike it even more.

Then again, maybe it’s just that I’m not ready for January. It’s like starting over again, and the thought of getting to December 2007 is actually kind of daunting.

But one day at a time, I guess. As usual. Small, non-threatening things. Bite sized chunks. You know the drill.

Here’s to a Happy New Year, another year for new opportunities, for inspiration, and for staying in touch with the important people in my life.

Good times for a change
See the luck I’ve had
could make a good man turn bad
So please, please, please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
this time