mahiwaga

OK I am at the height of my solipsistic fervor. (Seriously, despite everything I’ve written thus far, I do not believe that the world revolves around me, and I do not believe that the bizarre coincidences I continue stumbling upon are signs from God. I am not as egocentric, or as schizophrenic as that.)

But one wonders. How the quality of many bloggers’ angst is somewhat similar. There is a disturbing familiarity to what is written, what is read. Like we’ve all seen and done this before.

(Don’t ask me where the following thought comes from, I’m pretty sure it was mentioned in The Mind’s I which I still have not finished. But the physicist John Wheeler has this theory about electrons, stating that the reason why every electron has the exact same properties is because it’s really just the same electron weaving back and forth and forth and back across all of spacetime. Like some cosmic four-dimensional raster gun. Damn, I am such a nerd. Anyway, the reason I bring this up is, what if these blogs that I read, in fact this blog that I write, what if they’re really just the same blog traveling back and forth through cyberspace? What if I am just subconsciously copying other people’s madness? After all, I do have that bizarre simplification about the fine difference between a reader and a writer. I am using the word bizarre too much. And there is way too much here between the parentheses. Enough meta-discourse.)

Any case, I haven’t gotten to adding anything to this blog that I’ve been promising to add since the beginning of time. Such as a blogroll.

But I will mention two blogs I have been following that, as of late, have resonated with some of my sentiments, although I would be hard-pressed to articulate exactly why they resonate.

The more obvious one is Incidental Findings¹. (I wonder if I should leave a comment and demand that he install permalinks?) This guy is an Asian American 4th year medical student, just like I am. His ‘03 Jun 29 entry has this choice quote that is not unfamiliar to me:

Still, I wonder, if I was more of an asshole, I think I’d probably do better at this whole dating thing.

(Bringing to mind how S was trying to console me. She told me not to worry, that she knows a lot of guys who are in my situation. As pathologists are wont to state: “It’s not uncommon.” Wonderful. This helps me, how? Just call me the emotional ampalaya.)

Incidental Findings archived by the Wayback Machine
URL: http://web.archive.org/web/20030624200242/http://www.rfc791.org/~ifinding/

The less obvious one is nothingifnot. I started following her blog after investigating some via trails (hell, I don’t really know what that phrase means, but I will continue to use it anyway in my own private manner), which first led to the currently non-operational badinagoodway, authored by someone else entirely, but frequented by the aforementioned blogger. Apparently my previous attempt at blogging [foobar]² was briefly mentioned on a post. I don’t remember how exactly this was related to, well, anything, but eventually she posted a comment to this entry of mine³. (I did finally fix the stupid sidebar, by the way. Well, as far as I can tell. Also, currently I lack the wherewithal to try and figure out how to link directly to a comment, so the entry will have to do.) But her relationship drama is strangely… familiar. Not really in a directly solipsistic manner (i.e., it’s not I’m going through anything even remotely similar), but, let’s just say, I’ve heard it before. Many times. Many, many times. (And yet, and yet, I never learn. There has got to be something wrong with me.)

current incarnation of [Foobar][1] at [/tag/foobar][1]
[1]: /tag/foobar “#foobar • mahiwaga”

The Spell Is Broken • 2003 May 4 • Congestive Soul Failure
original URL: http://fatoprofugus.net/blog2/2003-05-04-0002-0600.html

(Of course, since its inception, I have been following R’s blog, and from pure content alone, you wouldn’t notice any overt similarity at all. But I find it highly amusing how these bizarre—there’s that word again—coincidences (see the comments) pop up, lending themselves well to some apophenic interpretations. But I will stop there before I confuse cyberspace with real life.)

So I am sitting on the deck outside of my sister’s room (currently a storage area for all the crap she accumulated in college, as she is currently out of the country.) Ah. The power of 802.11b.

(I am IM’ing as I blog. Which is a mistake, as I have absolutely no knack for multitasking.)

Fast-forward. OK, it got too cold outside. Yes, cold is a relative term. (It’s still 67 degrees, according to weather.com

I was going to be all nerdy and meditate on the nature of despair, and how it could be related to Godel’s Incompleteness Theorem (and thence to Artificial Intelligence) but I lack the training and the wherewithal. (Interesting, maybe, to program a machine to feel despair when it starts running in an infinite loop. Such a random thought.)

At this point, I think I have decided to be non-linear.

In any case, I have machines on the brain, as I watched Terminator 3, which was, well, just as I expected. I suppose it was OK. Better than I thought. Actually, the action scenes were probably better than “The Matrix Reloaded.” I mean, it was basically a chase movie, really. Nothing serious. Except for the “we’re all doomed to die in a nuclear holocaust” theme. Which is only bad because it’s probably true. Again. (Thank you, Mr. Bush.)

Wow. I cannot for the life of me concentrate. Forget it.