mahiwaga

It is easier to let go when there is some good reason propelling you away from the situation. So I like to imagine the worst-case scenario (and, yeah, my assessment of the matter is at worst an illusion, not a hallucination ordelusion). Yeah, it pisses me off, but, what am I gonna do? (Once again, I am being purposefully vague.)

Then all of the sudden, this good reason is pulled out from under me, so to speak. Definitely not completely dispelled, that’s for sure, but I have enough doubt that my strategy of ignoring and disregarding the situation and striking off in my own direction comes into question.

I can’t just distance myself without giving a reason. Well, I guess I could, but, well, despite my aspirations of acting like an asshole, I can’t rid myself of my nice-guy-finishes-last persona.

Some things said echo in my head. I am left to ruminate upon their meaning, when I know that I shouldn’t even think about it, I should just let it lie.

Once again, I must meditate on my oldest friend’s mantra: Fuck it.

illusion

A sensation originated by some external object, but so modified as in any way to lead to an erroneous perception (from Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary)

hallucination

Perception of visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory, or gustatory experiences without an external stimulus and with a compelling sense of their reality, usually resulting from a mental disorder or as a response to a drug. (from The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition)

delusion

an erroneous belief that is held in the face of evidence to the contrary [syn: psychotic belief] (from WordNet 1.6)