mahiwaga

Well, I’m off. Ridiculously going on a weekend trip a week before finals. I feel like I’m not taking this med school thing seriously enough.

I have been ruminating about the fact that I will be spending a lot of time in various stations, depots, and ports this weekend, just waiting, and then I get a big-picture-crisis, thinking about how life is really just about waiting for this and waiting for that, and in the end it all averages out to pointlessness.

Which is why it’s not always good to look at the big picture (see The Restaurant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams for the dangers of having too much perspective….) But if you look at the little picture, then life is really about who you are waiting with, and how you decide to pass the time….

I thought I had given up on this, what with the rationale for this monolithic screed having evaporated two months ago and the fact that I have brought my madness online, but I guess unless I finally do get a laptop, I’m going to have to put my thoughts somewhere when I’m on a trip. And I did promise to use up all the paper in this notebook anyway.

And so I ought to stop re-reading before writing. It taints the senses too much. It’s very heart-wrenching at times. It makes me wonder if I could really, possibly have [a] mental illness…. I can’t belive how much the cold and the sunlight affect me. Or certainly, it’s more than that, neurochemically speaking. But I am confused. It is time to give up and close my eyes.