tags: inevitability of madness

2000

December

2000 Dec 14

Flying Somewhere Over Arizona

[I am guessing what time it really is.] I am suddenly inspired by Borges and by Radiohead (I [am in] love [with] their song "Idioteque"). It is troubling that my life only became bearable when I [started fantasizing that] I was dying [from an indolent disease with a protracted course of illness] (although we [really] are all dying….) This allowed me to rest my mind and actually go to sleep content. I imagined the lengthy doctor's visits and hospital stays, [spending my last days] tramping throughout the countryside, and maybe to the Old World. Give me an excuse to visit Rome and London. And I would write. How joyous that would be! But this is only assuming that my insurance would pay. I would hopefully get to die in a morphine haze.

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