While I did meet ﾐA彡 through a dating app, I didn’t really use dating apps for anything more than remote idle amusement. (As Aziz Ansari puts it, “You can stand in line at the grocery store and swipe through 60 people’s faces on Tinder while you wait to buy hamburger buns.”) Aside from the MySpace era (i.e., the ancient days of yore), I have never gone on a date with anyone else IRL after meeting them online. But, to be honest, in general, I have never really dated.

Everything You Think You Know About Love Is Wrong • Aziz Ansari • Time

My parents had an arranged marriage. This always fascinated me. I am perpetually indecisive about even the most mundane things, and I couldn’t imagine navigating such a huge life decision so quickly.

I asked my dad about this experience, and here’s how he described it: he told his parents he was ready to get married, so his family arranged meetings with three neighboring families. The first girl, he said, was “a little too tall,” and the second girl was “a little too short.” Then he met my mom. He quickly deduced that she was the appropriate height (finally!), and they talked for about 30 minutes. They decided it would work. A week later, they were married.

And they still are, 35 years later. Happily so—and probably more so than most people I know who had nonarranged marriages

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The stunning fact remained: it was quicker for my dad to find a wife than it is for me to decide where to eat dinner.

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In the course of our research, I also discovered something surprising: the winding road from the classified section of yore to Tinder has taken an unexpected turn. Our phones and texts and apps might just be bringing us full circle, back to an old-fashioned version of courting that is closer to what my own parents experienced than you might guess.

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In theory, more options are better, right? Wrong. Psychology professor Barry Schwartz, famous for his 2004 book The Paradox of Choice, divided us into two types of people: ‘satisficers’ (those who satisfy and then suffice) and ‘maximizers,’ who seek out the best.

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While we may think we know what we want, we’re often wrong.

This last quote struck me because on an anecdotal/empirical basis, it seems obvious: how can you really trust that what you think you want will make you happy? Especially if you are currently unhappy?

Combing through old blog entries, I know for a fact that I was self-aware about my unreadiness for meeting people and for relationships. And in retrospect, it makes sense that I couldn’t find love until I was ready.