So a little more than a year and a half ago, weird things started happening at my house.

June 10th, 2013:

So that’s the third uncanny thing so far these last nine days. The first was when I got locked out of my house even though there’s no way to lock the sliding door from the outside. The second was when I woke up in the middle of the night to the Galaxy S3 whistle tone. I don’t own a Galaxy S3 and I live alone and today I came home and found that a mirror had fallen off the wall. The glass was drenched with water, but nothing else was wet.

So if I disappear all of the sudden, assume that the poltergeist got me.

Yeah, I should probably check the attic.

I told my mom. She stopped by and dropped off a crucifix. And plans to call a priest to get my house blessed. :D

June 12th, 2013:

So the fourth uncanny thing that happened was that while I was rinsing my toothbrush, the water turned black then immediately cleared. It’s quite possible I’m going insane, but I can’t really rule out demonic influence.

I think I might really need an exorcist.

Or maybe some Risperdal.

And, no, there’s no way that toothbrush was that dirty.

Weird things stopped happening after I discovered a rotting onion in my kitchen and threw it away. Not that I’ve actually demonstrated causation in any way at all.

June 30th, 2013:

It may have taken a few months, but I finally figured out what exactly was rotting in the kitchen. #BachelorLife

It was one of those smells that would come and go. Like, you walk into the house, wrinkle up your nose, and ask “What the hell is that?” Fifteen minutes later, you stop smelling it and forget about it. It was definitely in the kitchen.

I threw away everything perishable in the fridge and changed filters and it never went away.

One good thing about this heat: it accelerated the rotting to the point where the smell wouldn’t dissipate.

Turns out there was a puddle of what used to be (I think) an onion in a bag that was sitting hidden in a corner. Mystery solved!

I think it may have been an onion or a clove of garlic. It was essentially a black, gelatinous slush.

Well, we’ll see what happens when the garbage truck takes it away Tuesday morning. If you don’t hear from me after then, call the Ghostbusters, or get an exorcist!

Even though weird things had stopped happening once June was over, my parents didn’t want to take any chances.

October 2nd, 2013:

So, yeah, my parents asked a priest to bless my house without asking me, and I didn’t want to argue about the fact that I’m agnostic, so I’m just going to drink some beer before he shows up to sprinkle some holy water around.

At the least, maybe the weird inexplicable things will stop happening.

Honestly, has anyone ever heard of someone who was haunted by an undead vegetable? Maybe there’s like a natural gas leak under this place….

Yeah, no inexplicable events since I threw away the onion, but maybe this will make it permanent.

I guess my mom told the priest all about it, because he said a prayer protecting against demonic powers and the netherworld.

Then all of a sudden this happened today:

January 29th, 2015:

…woke up this morning to find a large puddle in the middle of the room downstairs. It wasn’t next to a wall and the ceiling above it wasn’t wet. It was enough water to completely saturate two bath towels.

I guess the exorcism—I mean, the blessing—done by a priest in 2013 didn’t take.