small revelation
I have been concentrating very hard on the Art of Not Wanting, and despite all my effort, my brain is still wrapped around a lot of crazy and insane ideas that are completely out of my control. My stomach gurgles with the sound of reflux, and I get bouts of epigastric abdominal pain. I can’t sleep very well. My eating habits have become even more unhealthy than before, which I didn’t think was possible.
Maybe it’s just depression.
But I’m clearly doing something wrong. I thought I understood the concept that desire is the root of all suffering. I thought it followed that if you inhibit your desire, you will stop suffering, but clearly this is not the case.
And then it hit me. I haven’t really eliminated my desire.
The fact that I’m OK with the way things are, and I’m OK if things don’t change means that my desire is now merely more subtle.
I realized that I want things not to change.
And that is an impossible thing.
The universe is change. What Einstein taught us is that the Universe is not just “there.” It is “there-ing.” It is an active, dynamic state of flux.
All things change.
So the idea is going to be simply to roll with the punches and go with the flow. It’s easier to rhyme than actually do, but at least things are a little bit clearer, and maybe I can actually get a decent night of sleep.