cracked, but still I’ve got to keep it together
time out of joint, the sunlight seeps through the window pane
am I coming or am I going
hope is like a little gnat, biting and buzzing
that I can never swat away.

so many years past, and still my folly is laid bare
her face still etched in the foundations of my twisted mind
and everything I taste is dust
everything I drink is choking ash
the colors bleed out of everything
and the sky is featureless, suffused with only light

in these years that keep on turning,
all I’ve learned is how to
brick myself up into a corner
trap myself in the thickets of my mind
no one ever died of loneliness
so I tell myself as I lay awake at night
listening to the distant sirens
and the rumble of planes

and every so often the ember that was once my heart
burns brighter
a gust of wind blows in to make it flare
but from nothingness comes nothingness
as this ember burns, my heart only continues to wither
in time, nothing will be left but desiccated ash
my soul will never be greater than this
it’s evaporating as I write

I no longer dream of being saved
the ebb and flow of the tide of life
is the only movement I know
I turn to see you reach your hand out to me
but I just let the waves pull me out to sea