dreaming
wheel of fire
blue green white
the twisting paths of sunlight
beams of starlight glinting across the warp and weave
of cosmic strings and singularities
mathematical catastrophes
eternal darkness

I am sighing, longing to sing
lips dry, cracked
throat parched
voice weak

thinking of the brightness of her eyes
arresting my gaze
overwhelming me with her beauty
(the waves crest, the current pulls me in)
the sound of her voice sending tremors through my heart
crumbling from inside out
defenses untouched
walls unbreeched
ramparts unscaled
towers still standing
every arrow still nocked
and already I am defeated
already the white flag raised in surrender

inadvertent victim
of kindness and camaraderie
and hope drives mad ideas into the core of my brain
like invading parasites wriggling and squirming

I dance with madness
unsleeping but weary
not eating but hungry

And I reminisce of the times I’ve raced along this worn track
veering and skidding across the deep ruts and grooves
banking against imminent disaster
and always missing that turn
spinning, twirling
the crumple and twist of frail metal
the shatter of glass
and fire and smoke
and the darkness of two-thousand days running into each other
sucking the substance from my soul
and even to draw breath is a struggle

I am always falling
the walls closing in
too dark to see
with not handholds to clasp
the neverending scream of the wind enveloping me
stealing my inner fire
wearing away at my bones
blood churning sluggishly through my veins
turmoil wracking my body

My soul erodes
snagging and smearing memories against the ragged terrain
and all flavor and form exsanguinated
and hope becomes ash, dreams become dirt
leaving this formless nothingness where time does not pass

I gaze deep into the abyss
knowing the long, hard road and smooth, sheer cliffs
back up into the sunlight
and still I stagger, and still it draws me
and my heart is a millstone dragging me down

My fate is written on my hands
branded onto the tip of my tongue
knowing this road that goes nowhere
except ever-spinning circles
down to the bottom of a vortex
where no man dares hope to escape