I don’t know. Maybe I just like misery. Lest my last post mislead you, nothing terrible is happening right now. It’s just this feeling of evanescence that is haunting me. I’m too content these days, and I worry that there’s something horrific awaiting me in the days to come.

Now, part of it is probably justified anxiety in the fact that I only have another ten days living this kind of chill lifestyle, and then I’m going to be back to the grind of an 80 hour work week and sleepless nights.

But there’s a part of my soul that cannot rest, cannot learn how to be content, how to revel in the moment, and not fear the future.

There’s a part of me that keeps thinking, something wicked this way comes.

What I am trying to learn is that the universe has it’s natural ebbs and flows, and just because I’m happy now doesn’t mean that I will have to pay dearly later for this happiness.

At least that’s how I console myself.

Please, please, please let me, let me, let me get what I want.

I just don’t want things to fall apart like they usually do.

Things have got to be different.

I’m trying to train myself to expect each day to be better than the last. That seems to be the key to keep me from falling back into despair, to realize that every moment has no only the potential, but the reality of being better than the last.

I just don’t know what I’m trying to say.