So I should know better than to write when I am intoxicated, but I don’t know, I’m overcome once again by this sense of numbness. What does any of this matter?

No, that’s not true.

I figured something out. Call it insanity, call it what you will. I’ve realized that my mood is something like a wave in the ocean, and that getting out of my funk is all about catching that wave, like a neural surfer, or something hackneyed like that.

Yesterday I had come home and crashed despondently into bed, but I couldn’t sleep anyways. So I caught that mental wave, and inexplicably felt a lot better about myself. I headed out to a cafe to just kick back, sip some coffee, and read. Turns out that they have monthly belly dancing there. It was pretty cool and fun to watch.

Today I just didn’t feel quite as inspired. I actually got home around 3:30 p.m. but all I did was go to sleep, and I didn’t wake up until 6 p.m.

I did my tarot cards last night and got one of the cards that always freaks me out: The Tower. It actually makes me think of the WTC. I think if they ever do a modern version of the Rider-Waite deck, they’d have to use the twin towers crumbling for that card.

Now I know that what it means is sudden cataclysmic change, which is not necessarily a bad thing. God only knows that my life could use some sort of change. But it’s still kind of freaky.

I don’t know. What am I doing tonight? I’m going to finish an entire bottle of wine. I really don’t know what else to do these days.

Life. Don’t talk to me about life.