I think I just realized that it’s not the loneliness itself that’s getting me down. It’s the fact that I’m starting to dread the future. I can’t get rid of this idea that I’m on this doomed path that’s leading to nowhere, and that things are at best going to remain forever unchanged and unchanging until I die, but more likely, things are going to get worse.

I’m beginning to fear the simple little things that comprise my sad and monotonous life—last night I started getting anxious because I didn’t want the day to be over and had this feeling that time is quickly running out, and this morning I was truly dreading going to work, even though it really wasn’t that bad. I fear I am going to spend this weekend worrying about having to go to work on Monday, with each hour frittering by, full of nothing but anxiety and indecision.

What is happening to me?