why do I dream of things that cannot possibly ever happen? I know, I know. Bram explained to me once in a drunken and blunted state: I seek the unattainable because it’s safe. There is no fear of failure when you already know you are going to fail.

I’m not talking about unattainable as in “there’s no way she’d ever be attracted to a fat slob like me, no way she’d ever fall for a big loser like me.” I’m talking about unattainable as in “she’s been with this guy for like nearly a decade, they’re practically married,” like utterly, damnably hopelessly unattainable.

and yet still I dream.