mahiwaga

I feel really out of sync right now. I just don't feel right, and it's nothing I can explicate by blogging. I feel like I need to sit still upon it, bore holes into the issue, and figure out where I'm going wrong.

Whether it's the madness of the past year that has finally caught up to me, the legendary wall looming up ahead, or whether it's simply the fact that things have been so tight that I haven't even been able to keep up with my medication, in some ways, I feel like I'm falling to pieces, and I just don't know why.

Thank God I have a vacation coming up. I don't know how I'm going to survive these next 4 days of work.

where did that come from, that look, like "yikes!" or "i don't know what's going to happen, but we'll find out soon enough," like lightning flash, freeze framing everything searing it into my retinas recognition like an elbow to the head where have i seen that before a hundred lifetimes ago perhaps this infinitely unraveling distance between us sending me spinning and twirling out into space no, not us, there is no us but this memory of a dream and the things that I've happened to pin upon your visage shimmering in my mind half-remembered things that never were striking true in some backhanded fashion

i wake from my dreams frightened whether good or ill not remembering which way the world is supposed to turn has my dream ended, and have I wakened? or do i sleep, and still dream?

i still don't know what's going to happen but, as you've never said to me, we'll find out soon enough