this is surely not good for my joints. i currently don't have a seat, so i'm just blogging on the fly, trying to sort some things out.

i've been angry a lot lately. not because of anything specific. sure, there's the iraqi occupation and all the young men and women dying for a dubious cause. all the right-wingers who don't care to listen and sometimes don't even care to think. then there are the liars and cheats. my colleagues with questionable ethics. my peers whom i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. and then there are the parents who mean well but who can't help but aggravate me at times by trying to run my life.

i'm such a self-righteous, sanctimonious prick sometimes.

to put it crudely, and to paraphrase my oldest friend's own deconstruction of the situation, perhaps it all has something to do with the fact that i've been—shall we say—physiologically repressed for a while.

that's right. always thinking with the wrong head.

seriously though. i devolved into a fit of shouting to myself after i spent an hour looking for my keys. i don't know what it is. i always lose my keys.

times like this i wonder if i'm just insane. if i should just show up to the psych ward and tell them "i'd like to be locked up, please."

now, i've always had a bad temper. while i didn't get my dad's luck—with both the card flip and with the ladies—i did get his raging, irrational temper. it is, i believe, a southeast asian cultural trait, though. running amok. when everything seems all fucked up, there's really nothing left but to go beserk. we southeast asians invented going postal, perhaps.

and yet i am not a violent man. obviously i'm biased here, but i like to think that it is rather infrequent that i just go bonkers like this, and i'd like to think that most of my friends (although not my family) would attest to that. of course, i could be wrong.

the other problem, besides the lack of, ummm, feminine diversion, is the fact that a lot my thoughts seem to trail off into the phrase "whatever, it doesn't matter."

this feeling that no matter what i do at this particular juncture of time will have little-to-no impact on the world is, to put it mildly, a little frustrating.

i can't start anything, but it still never ends.

what i need is the archetypal chill-pill. or maybe a drag off of a blunt.

(and i know that this is way too much information, but, umm, self-satisfaction is of no help here. i will refer you to a quote by Louise Ferdinand Celine. then there is also a very pertinent song lyric by Green Day.)