Not quite a quote. I only sliced out the parts I liked.

“…he’s a terrible dancer.”

Right now, me getting killed would be redundant.

“And his teeth are weird, not rotten, but crooked and little.”

You could stab a knife right through my heart and you’d be too late.

“And he has these gross little monkey hands.”

Right now, getting killed would be a breath of spring.

“That’s supposed to mean he has a little wiener dick….”

“And he’s not obese,” [she] says, “he’s not a whale, but he’s too fat for me.”

In case there’s a sniper outside, I open the blinds and stand my gross obese body in the window. Please, anybody with a rifle and a scope. Shoot me right here. Right in my big fat heart. Right in my little wiener.

—from Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk